strange as angels

To wish impossible things

2012-01-17T17:12:00.007-05:00

No more dreams of traveling. No more dreams of following The Cure around for their last tour. A decade of hard work rendered absolutely fucking meaningless in one 30 second phone call. Financial security, benefits, insurance, pension, all gone. I always knew life wasn't fair, but had faith that eventually things would even out a bit for me. even just slightly. I don't believe that anymore.

Cue painfully appropriate Cure song....

a favourite of mine...

2012-01-07T17:43:00.005-05:00

all my branches break
when you go and tell me
your body can't take lots of being lonely
I'm racing through the dark
a headless Saint Bernard
to cauterize the scars
that line your dirty heart

what the hell can I do
when you whisper
'punish me'
snapping like a tiger trap
I lost all my honey
I'm bracing for the shiver
string me in your quiver
aiming for the skyline
but shoot me in the river

and terror grips me
when you palpitate
confess directly
sadness spreads your legs
I contemplate the toll
turning diamonds into coal
traveling down this hole
throwing conscience to the wind

it's true, it's not a path that
I ever thought I would travel to get you back
our panic will burst like birds full of asprin,
we're not to blame
it's the same is it was never before, so

I'm not a scoundrel
It's just the suit that fits me
cut tiny breeze lines, maintains insanity
never thought I'd be like a hunger with no appetite
a hunger with no urge for thrills
the type of man I despise

so I asked the devil
how to learn to handle
women with a shovel
digging downward spirals
he tells me what to do
and how to strut my cool
polish all my boots
with all your lovers blood

it's cursed, it's not a road that I ever thought
I would travel to get you back
our panic will burst like birds full of aspirn
we're not to blame
it's the same is it was never before

and I'll roam the trenches,
bayonet's just what I need
makes you more than anything,
cause you're everything to me, so
you met your match, don't even know it yet
challenge isn't challenge when evils got your rage

it's cursed, not a road that I ever thought
I would travel to get you back
our panic will burst like birds full of aspirn
we're are to blame
it's the same is it was never before, so

2011-12-28T23:23:00.002-05:00

a few months away from turning thirty and my life is about to take a different turn. not sure which way yet, but big changes are coming...

to be continued...

Polytechnique

2011-12-06T18:01:00.002-05:00

It's been 22 years to the day since the Politechnique Massacre. I vaguely recall hearing about it on the news, but I was only seven. I remember that my mom was really upset. I knew that the killer was 'anti feminism' but only just realised how fucked up he was was (taken from the École Polytechnique massacre Wikipedia page):

Lépine then separated the nine women from the approximately fifty men and ordered the men to leave.[9] Speaking in French, he asked the remaining women whether they knew why they were there, and when one student replied "no," he answered: "I am fighting feminism". One of the students, Nathalie Provost, said, "Look, we are just women studying engineering, not necessarily feminists ready to march on the streets to shout we are against men, just students intent on leading a normal life." Lépine responded that "You're women, you're going to be engineers. You're all a bunch of feminists. I hate feminists." He then opened fire on the students from left to right, killing six, and wounding three others, including Provost.[1][3] Before leaving the room, he wrote the word shit twice on a student project.[9]

wasting a few hours on bash.org...

2011-12-05T16:28:00.003-05:00

...laughing my ass off when, suddenly, I stumble on THIS

Reflections

2011-11-29T13:36:00.003-05:00

When I first heard about 'Reflections', it was a one-off show in Sydney, Australia where The Cure were playing their first three albums in their entirety: Three Imaginary Boys, Seventeen Seconds and Faith. 3IB and 17Seconds aren't exactly my favourite Cure albums but hearing all of 'Faith' would have been special for me, even though I'd prefer hearing all of Pornography, Disintegration, Wish or Kiss me, Kiss me, Kiss me.. the prospect was still enticing but the location made it impossible without going into a good $1k plus debt. In April of this year, before the first 'Reflections' show was announced, I vowed to do everything in my power to be at the 30-th anniversary of the Faith album were they to play the full album (as rumour had it).

Anyway, the first show in Sydney comes and goes. I wish I could have gone, the bootlegs and videos sound amazing... Then they announce 7 more Reflections show - no more, no less. One in London, and three a piece in LA and NYC. "What better time to visit New York for the first time!", I told myself. So I managed to get a decent ticket for the last 'Reflections' show - the third and final night in NYC (they'll never play those three full albums again). I got a friend to join me for the whole Cure roadtrip, which helped with bills for the car rental, apartment in Brooklyn, etc.

New York was great. It's crazy just how big the city is. We barely scratched the surface. Everyone we talked to and met were super awesome and nice. We were staying in a pretty rough part of Brooklyn but never had any problems. Walking from where we were staying in Bed-Stu (as the locals are known to call it) to the hotbed of Hipsterism that is Williamsburg was really interesting. It was like... Brooklyn hip hop culture to blocks and blocks of Hasidic Jews to the mecca of all that it hispter, all contained in about an hour's walk! Times Square was one big advertisement, but you can't help but be in awe at the scale of it. I kept telling Aaron that I really wanted to find some acid. I think that would have been mind blowing!!! We ended up just getting drunk instead at the best dive bar in all of Manhattan: Rudy's. They have 7$ pitchers and FREE HEBREW NATIONAL hot dogs - the BEST hot dogs known to man. Needless to say, I woke up feeling less than perky on Sunday (the day of the show. On a final note: NYC bagels are on par with Montreal bagels, but corned beef/pastrami has nothing on smoked meat!!!! Also, Whitecastle. WOW!

THE SHOW

The theater is just gorgeous. Beautiful. Puts every other theater I've ever been to to shame. Seats are ok - not the best but not the worst either. Maybe 18-19 rows up off to the right. Three Imaginary Boys was fun. It was just Robert, Simon and Jason (mimicking the original trio of Robert, Micheal and Lol). I danced around a bunch. It was amazing hearing so many of these songs from 1978-79 for the first (and I'm sure only) time. Robert was talking a lot between songs... After the cover of 'Foxy Lady', he says: "Jimmy must be spinning in his fucking grave!". Awesome!

Seventeen Seconds was more serious. Roger and Lol join the trio for the this album. Things get more serious. The crows goes pretty crazy for 'Play for Today' and 'Primary'. The REALLY crazy during 'A Forest'. 'In Your House' and (especially) 'At Night' were intense and chilling, 'Seventeen Seconds' was really sad - I never liked the song much up until that point but seeing it live really changed my view. It was emotional. The whole set was. Simon and Roger hug as they exit for the 10-mins intermission.

Faith. It was like 40 minutes standing still and passing by in the blink of an eye simultaneously. It was INTENSELY EMOTIONAL. Robert was crying during 'A Funeral Party', you could tell that song really means a lot to him. 'All Cats are Grey' was gorgeous. got some video of it. I shed a few tears during 'The Drowning Man', i won't both describing how good it was. Then 'Faith' with some extra lyrics: "After all these years, I don't know ow to say goodbye", yeah, that was a bit a tear-jerker as well! haha.

Then 3 encores of B-sides and hits, the crowd was going nuts. A bouncer escorted me from my seat during the second encore and almost kicked me out of the show for taking some video during Charlotte Sometimes. Brief moment of panic. There was no way I leaving that show though. Got back to my seat in time for the next song.

Best night of my life, bar none. A totally surreal and amazing performance. My only regret is not stopping to wait for an autograph after the show (we walked passed the people waiting at the side entrance). That will be for the next tour. I will meet Robert Smith. I can fell it. And there will be another tour, Robert said it himself at the end of the show: "See you next year!"

I love Halloween

2011-10-30T23:43:00.003-04:00

Been watching a ton of movies these last few days to get me in the Halloween mood: Let Me In, Man Bites Dog, Near Dark, Don't Look Now, Possession, The Last House on the Left...

I've got one more lined up for tonight: The Vanishing (aka Spoorloos) which is supposed to be a wickedly amazing Belgian thriller/mystery. We shall soon find out...

Occupy North America

2011-10-12T17:12:00.002-04:00

This coming Saturday, the Occupy Wall Street movement is going continent-wide. There will be a demonstration here. I'm still unsure as to whether or not I will be in attendance.

This is a great blog post about the effectiveness of peaceful protests in America today. A must-read for anyone who thinks that these 99%ers are going to change the world.

old school

2011-07-17T03:25:00.001-04:00

remembering my radio show on CSKY John Abbott...

YES!

2011-07-03T18:49:00.005-04:00

someone on the internet has succeeded in perfectly summing up my feelings toward Quebec separatists. This is taken from the comments (which are a mindfuck and a half!) on CNN about a few protesters at the Royal visit here:

"Why don't these dopey nationalists jeer the French when they come to town? Sure, Quebec considers themselves an occupied people. But it was France who abandoned their own citizens 200 years ago and no one else.

When de Gaulle shouted "vive le quebec libre," the Quebequois did not know they were being laughed at! Who was de Gaulle to shout such a thing when it was he and his race who abandoned these people.

Britain might have been the conquerors. But the traitors were France.

These spineless Quebequois want to jeer someone? Let them jeer the people who left them to the mercy of the crown of England!" - Arklady

crazy what a difference three years make...

2011-05-03T18:17:00.005-04:00

this is the picture of the montreal (federal) political landscape i posted on this blog after the 2008 election:

and here's what it looks like as of today. crazy insane!!! i was hoping the orange surge would continue across the country, but those Torontonians fucked everything up for us here in Quebec. so damn typical!

and once more, the bigger picture, then and now:

2008

2011

all disappointment aside, i must say - Quebec looks a lot better in orange than it did in baby blue. adieu! bloc quebecois, you won't be missed.

oublions l'amerique

2011-05-03T17:17:00.002-04:00

You voted for mandatory sentences for pot smokers in supermax prisons. You voted for a man who doesn't like gay marriage or gay rights, who wants to make education more of a business than an institution. A man who wants to almost immediately create a metered internet and monitor online communications between citizens. You voted for a man who wants to send troops to Iraq.

And you did it all for.. money.

from Reddit.

i slept on it and i'm still upset. i'm sick of Harper. i'm sick of politics. i think i'll leave for awhile and come back in a few years in time for the next election. that way, i get to skip all the bullshit in between.

Chain Of Flowers: Always keep the faith

2011-04-20T18:17:00.000-04:00

Chain Of Flowers: Always keep the faith: "Happiness. Does it truly exist? Or is it, as some say, just an imaginary concept created by Man to give life meaning? And what of its pursui..."

---
I've been visiting COF every day since 1997 - i can't believe it's been almost 15 years. Craig, who runs the site isn't usually cryptic, but i think in this last post he is hinting at something. Sounds to me like The Cure might be doing a show in 2011 for the 30th anniversary of the Faith album. I will do everything in my power to be at that show, wherever it may be!!!

Busy!!!!

2011-03-21T15:07:00.006-04:00

I'm halfway done my CELTA course!! So far i've taught in front of a classroom for 4 hours with another 4 to go. Two assignments out of four done. Two more weeks of getting up at 7AM. It's not easy, and I don't know if i'm going to be able to work regular business hours full-time. I'm just not wired that way. it goes against my nature. 10AM until 6PM i could handle, maybe.

I have to write my lesson plan for tomorrow's class which takes me about 3-4 hours. All i really want to do is finish Dragon Age 2 (yes, i'm a nerd but the story is really compelling! haha)

Vice just launched a new music site @ Noisey.com . Lots of good bands like No Joy and Das Racist on there. Many hours have already been killed there today.

I've also spent the last hour laughing at Business Cat . It's been that kind of day so far, doing anything but what I should be, pissing away my one study day during this intensive course. But hey, at least i'm having a ton of fun doing it!!

one of my favourite characters in literary history

2011-02-26T15:21:00.001-05:00

Fuchsia Groan
and not just because Robert Smith wrote a song about her.

I remember reading an interview with him where he talks about the Gormenghast trilogy (a really good read if you have the time to delve into it) and ******SPOILER ALERT***** he mentions how he felt when she died in the second novel. I wasn't able to find the exact quote, but he says something to the effect of wishing he had never read that page. i really loved that. i suppose i'm really just a hopeless romantic like RS and Fuchsia.

The "OH FUCHSIA!" at the end of The Drowning Man is one of my fave moments in Cure music, though admittedly, there are so many! haha. I love the song - always have, always will. How does it stand up against one of my fave U2 songs of the same title?

vs.

2011-02-22T05:08:00.006-05:00

bassists are always the best

2011-01-19T18:18:00.006-05:00

case in point:

exhibit one

exhibit two

in other news, i have strep throat which is very unsexy. it's good in a way because 1) i'm forced to clean up my act and no booze, cigarettes and other things means more money in my pocket 2) it hurts to swallow so i'm not eating as much as normal and as such will hopefully lose a few pounds in the next couple of weeks because 3) as of today we are booked and I'M HEADED TO CUBA IN 15 DAYS!!!! WOOOOOOOOOO!!!! so i'd much rather get sick now than on vacation like i usually do.

it's been especially nasty weather wise the last seven days or so, after a very mild winter thus far. Just last week I was thinking about how warm and snow-free this winter had been so far, jinxing all of eastern Canada in the process. I have seen enough -20's to last me for this season, thanks!!!!

Robert Smith's signature Schecter guitar has gone on special and is now only $786,91!

If only i had a US mailing address and $786.91!

In the meantime, i am getting into Breaking Bad and Boardwalk Empire (the latter makes me wanna dip into the bottle of Canadian Club in my freezer... stupid illness!!!!), and listening to lots of dub to get into beach mode. Beach mode is so fucking far removed from Montreal in January, it's not even funny!

re-re-visited

2010-12-22T18:11:00.005-05:00

a close to dvdrip quality version of Black Swan leaked yesterday. it may or may not be on my hard drive at the moment (if it were, no guilt because i paid to see it twice - that's how it works, right? like you're allowed to download cd's that you already own?)

anyway, i had the chance to watch a couple things closely today, even though i should be cleaning the apartment and finishing my unpacking (yes, i moved in close to 6 months ago).

so a little more indepth analysis of my two favourite scenes from the movie.

**major spoilers lie ahead**

When Nina gets home from the club and walks in the door to her apartment with Lily. That's what we see, but it becomes obvious later on that Lily isn't actually there and from what i gather stayed at the club when Nina got in the cab. According to someone on imdb there is an audio cue that plays everytime Nina is 'hallucinating?' but i haven't caught it yet (that's gonna take another couple viewings i think! haha). anyway, Nina and Lily walk in to the apartment and the point of view is from a mirror within a mirror. The way Nina and Lily are standing, the view through the mirror (audience's perspective) is half of Nina and half of Lily form one person before they split apart when one of the turns around. ingenius! then, as Nina's psychotic mother questions her about where she's been, Nina says: "to the moon..." then cut to Lily leaning against the wall opposite, whispering the completion of the sentence as Nina finishes it "...and back". the whole segment lasts less than 60 seconds but is pulled off so well that it's one of the best parts of the movie for me. I wish i was still at Dawson studying cinema so that i could write a monster of a paper on the intricacies of Black Swan.

As for my other favourite scene, it has to be right before the end in Nina's dressing room as she has her "holy shit moment" and comes to realize what she's done. as she looks down and sees the blood and pulls out the shard of glass. this is Nathalie Portman's shining moment in the film for me. a splitsecond before she glances down at her dress, you can see her eyes well up with tears and they fall just as she lowers her head. she pulls out the glass and the strings and horns swell - so, so, so, beautiful. so well done. it's an INCREDIBLE scene. honestly, i never really liked Nathalie Portman that much in anything prior to this. i doubt she has ever delivered a performance even half as intense as this. And i know that she never will either. This role was her masterpiece and I'm really happy that she took advantage of the opportunity and pulled it off so brilliantly.

The dinner club scene is also very cool, because Arronosky actually manages to translate the euphoric, dissociative and general warm, hazy and unfocused feel of a mdma trip on screen - the lights, the cuts matching the beat. bonus points for that, because it could have been a little cheesy.

Ok, i'm done. I promise, no more gushing about this movie (at least until Oscar time).

perfection re-visited

2010-12-22T03:06:00.006-05:00

Black Swan... where to begin?

i rarely go to the cinema to see movies anymore, what with the price being something like $15. when i started going to the theater regularly at the age of 12, it was 5$ to see a movie. then again when i started smoking at 14, packs were 4$. anyway, all this to say that going to the movies is a rare treat for me these days. last tuesday, i took advantage of half price tuesdays and went to see Black Swan. Tonight, also being Tuesday, i went to see it again.

I first saw the trailer for it around mid-summer, and i knew instantly that it was going to be special. I like Arronofsky. I liked Requiem for a Dream, in spite of Jennifer Connolly and her eyebrows. It came out in the midst of my raving days, which made it seem extra relevant. i remember eating some mushrooms in my friend Jeff's parents basements and watching it. The soundtrack was the best part; Clint Mansell never disappoints (he also did the score for Black Swan). I enjoyed his first movie, Pi; the numerology and Kabballa connection was quite interesting. I am one of the few people who actually enjoyed The Fountain. It was filmed here in Montreal, and i was randomly contacted on myspace by someone involved with the film years ago (2004, if i remember correctly). He was a cute guy named Matthew and we went for drinks a few times. He was a friend of Darren's and was filming the behind the scenes footage for the extra features on the DVD. He had some funny anecdotes about Hugh Jackman shaving his head bald for some scenes in the movie and a freezing warehouse where they were shooting. anyway, i liked it, but i can understand why it was pretty much universally panned by critics and audiences alike. I think the execution was brilliant (including, for once, the CGI), but the film suffered from trying to do, or show, too much. i chalked it up to Darren being too ambitious and biting off more than he could chew. I haven't seen The Wrestler yet - maybe i will, maybe i won't.

so, yeah.. Black Swan...(may contain very minor spoilers and nuts)

i won't mince words; this is the best movie i have seen in 10 years. The movie that has touched me the most since "Mulholland Drive", wayyyy back in 2001. it's sad to think that it's taken that long. on first glance, one might assume that any dark 'psychological thriller' with two pretty ladies making out in it will automatically garner high praise from me. not true. Without getting into too much detail, Mulholland Drive touched me in a way no movie previously had or ever will. It's all about being able to relate. it just so happens that i can relate to Diane Selwyn's character so much that it's scary. I get how easy and quick it can be for true love to turn in murderous hate (for the record, i've never murdered anyone... hahaha!) And i also happen to love David Lynch. It is what it is. There are many connections to be made between the two movies, way beyond lesbian make out sessions. There's also a lot of "Repulsion" in it, which is another one of my favourites.

Black Swan flirts with perfection, it really does. The only slight negative that comes to mind is the sometimes heavy-handedness of the symbolism used by Arronofsky - there were a lot of mirrors, a lot of black and white, light and dark... that being said, everything else, from the performances (esp. Portman, Kunis and Cassel), the casting, the script, the makeup, the costumes, the score, the camera work was perfect. especially the camera work. at first, i was a little disconcerted by the up close and personal feel of the hand-held, but it really adds to the overall effect. especially the dancing scenes. both times i left the theater feeling 'out of sorts' physically. a little drained emotionally too, as if that even has to be said. the last 30 minutes or so of the film are exhilarating beyond words. if something can be both frenetic and restrained at the same time then this is a perfect example. hard to explain - it's just something that has to be seen.

I suppose i do have a thing for movies with female leads involving a descent into madness. If Nathalie Portman doesn't win the best actress Oscar, it will be a crime against humanity. mind you, naomi watts wasn't even nominated for MD, so nothing surprises me anymore when it comes to the Academy. I was skeptical about Mila Kunis in this role, i really was. all doubt was completely unfounded because she pulled it off. so well, in fact, that i can't even picture any one else playing her part. i know i'll be keeping an eye on her upcoming roles (yes, she is very easy on the eyes). i have tons more to say about the movie, but am going to wait for subsequent viewings, of which there will be many, to expound further.

for anyone interested, my top three female performances in modern day cinema:

Naomi Watts in "Mulholland Drive"
Catherine Deneuve in "Repulsion"
Nathalie Portman in "Black Swan"

all three movies are in my top 10. all three are dark, intense and emotionally-charged - just how i like em!

re: EA's claim that singleplayer games are on the way out

2010-12-12T19:25:00.003-05:00

from here

by Ghostpig Wednesday, December 08, 2010 at 02:31 PM

"It’s not only about multiplayer, it’s about being connected."

Gag. Let me ask you marketing people out there a question: I wasn't a biology major so I'm not 100% sure of all the complex workings of the human body but...

Do they teach you these nauseating buzzwords in school or do you have to be just naturally born with some superhuman ability to expel continuous rivers of *** from your mouth?

---

hahahahaha! i agree with this person %100. you couldn't have paid me to get an advertising or marketing degree. it's too easy to see through their facade and call them on their bullshit. i laugh out loud at a lot of commercials that weren't intended to be funny.

i only play one multi-player game (though it happens to be the most addictive and well conceived MMORPG of all time) and that's enough for me, really. i like the sensation of being alone and up against impossible odds that single player games provide.

a happy monday?

2010-11-22T16:34:00.008-05:00

i called in sick to work today. i'm not sick.

i feel guilty for throwing away $200, and it's not like i work more than 3 days a week these days, but...

i made up for it by watching youtube videos of my favourite male actors in their sexiest scenes (my version of sexy - not typical!! hahaha)

in terms of sheer hotness, this scene is a hands down favourite of mine. the way Cillian Murphy run his fingers through his hair and says "the bat...man" - just wow. the first time i saw Batman Begins was at the IMAX theater at the Paramount, alone and tripping on acid. i had a smile plastered on my face for days afterwards. :D

terrible quality cam of a tv screen that does not do the scene justice, but the only embedable one i could find.

next up, Gary Oldman in the Professional. First and foremost, i respect Oldman for his acting skills. He and Philip Seymour Hoffman are my favourite character actors. and the man is best friends with Tim Roth. Yes, Gary Oldman and Tim Roth. i just can't even... never mind. Moving on, I only recently saw Leon: The Professional which is unfortunate since it happens to be one of the most amazing action movies ever (right up there with The Jackal and Ronin!). Oldman's crooked cop character Stansfield is the best part of this movie - another one in the long list of demented characters played by him. These two scenes involve the consumption of what i assume to be amphetamines, and i don't know what it is exactly (in the first clip, i'm thinking it's the high p.o.v shot down on him from above), but DAMN is that man ever gorgeous!! and the post pill crunching shudder. woah. hahaha i feel like a giddy pre-teen with tigerbeat posters on her wall (when i was 11, one of my bedroom walls was a shrine to Christian Slater!). maybe this is just my way of keeping warm to stave off the impending harshness of winter! Yeah! That's it!

The dubbed Italian at the end just makes it all the sexier! hahaha!

what's your name, angel?

So i mentioned that Gary Oldman and Philip Seymour Hoffman are my two favourite character actors, which is true, but i have to add Tim Roth to the list. I mean, the man has played a neo-nazi, an ape, a buffed-up supervillain, a bellhop, and undercover cop, a piano phenom, an extra from Hamlet, a junkie opposite Tupac, Vincent Van Gogh, just to name a few roles. And everything he's done is convincing. if that's not the definition of a character actor, i don't know what is. He is an amazing actor, so good that i'm even willing to forgive him his cameo in the stinking pile of shit that was the Million Dollar Hotel (love Milla Jovovich and Bono and Jeremy Davies but still not worth watching).

This is a legthly, though well done, compilation of some of his best work:

and finally, Philip Seymour Hoffman. Yes, i find him to be an attractive man. Not so much these last years as he looks a little slobby, but acting-wise he's still top notch. Best move i've seen him in recently was Doubt a few years ago. In terms of all time best perfomances, I loved him in Happiness, but Magnolia is by far his best work. The whole film is a masterpiece and probably in my top 10, but his performance as the compassionate male nurse was the most touching, by far. PT Anderson wrote the part specifically for him just like he did with Julianne Moore's character in Boogie Nights. Speaking of Julianne Moore, the scene between her and Hoffman in Magnolia is one of my personal favourites - i tear up everytime.

The scene in question begins at the 4 minute mark or so of this clip, but the whole thing is worth watching for Julianne Moore's amazingly unhinged and profane performance!!

2010-11-18T00:36:00.002-05:00

suddenly, i just came to the realization that Sarah Palin is going to run for President in 2012. it just seems so fitting, what with that reality show and the work she's doing with Fox News. I am so scared. Not even God could save the world should she get elected President of the United States. Very, very real possibility of calamity.

she was the riverboat gambler

2010-11-14T02:11:00.008-05:00

just played some poker at my buddy sarah's place. came in third out of seven. i think i inadvertently (or maybe subconsciously) sabotaged myself by going all in on a bluff because i really had to pee and i wanted a smoke. yeah, i'll just console myself with that.

going to see the Habs play Toronto next weekend with Sharon. I plan on smuggling in a mickey of rum, buying the largest coke available (which is the size of a north american baby0 and getting loaded and loud. last time i went to a Habs game was last season with my mom with amazing center ice tickets like 10 rows up. i got drunk and profane. i was sitting between my mother and an 8 year-old boy (rough estimate). this time i don't even have to worry about censoring myself - it's gonna be a blast! drunken video footage may ensue.

speaking of drunken footage; we're going to a notorious gay bar 2 weekends from now to do a bit of dancing with a bunch of my girlfriends and a few gay boys. i'm getting to see my friend Chris from Scotland for the first time in forever and get dressed up and dance without the threat of being bothered.

one of the first times that i went to Sky, some little Asian boy pretended to bite my neck in the ladies' washroom. he asked me if he scared me and i replied: "It takes a bit more than that". goood times.

(see: title)

2010-10-30T01:42:00.001-04:00

Halloween Stress!

2010-10-27T14:48:00.009-04:00

Argh! The BP logo patch i ordered off Ebay 2 weeks ago for my Halloween costume hasn't arrived yet. only a couple more business days before Saturday and i don't have a backup costume! Goddamn it, serves me right for ordering an essential component of my costume from a company in Malaysia 3 weeks before Halloween!!! i knew i should have just gone to Stewart/Colbert rally in DC.

Despite this, i am happy today because i'm still really enjoying the Crystal Castles' cover of Platinum Blonde's "Not in Love" remix as sung by Robert Smith; apparently even Twitter is abuzz with this song (for whatever that's worth!)

I really hope that he sticks to this more 'restrained' singing for the next Cure album. frankly, his vocals and lyrics have left something to be desired since Bloodflowers in 2000 (some would even say since Wild Mood Swings in 1996). Can't wait for a new album regardless though. i can't start to get excited yet. if there is to be one more album, and it would probably be the *real* last Cure album, it won't be released until at least 2012 (it's been an album every 4 years for the last two decades, and 4:13 Dream was released in October 2008). If it really is the last Cure album, and is released in 2012, i'm kinda ok with the whole 'world ending' bit... :D

Yesterday, i spent like 8 minutes staring at my laptop screen blankly, trying to remember the name of a band. I was SURE that there was no way i'd get it because it was pretty long (i remembered that much) and a pretty obscure band. anyway, i'm pulling my hair out, wracking my brain, going crazy trying to will myself to remember when suddenly there's this moment of clarity and it comes to me: CAMPER VAN BEETHOVEN!!! YES!!! haha. pretty much the most rewarding moment of my week thus far. "The History of Utah" by Camper Van Beethoven is, without a doubt, one of the best tracks ever written. and on a different but related note, I love this song:

HEALTH

2010-09-30T17:27:00.006-04:00

A month or so ago I found out about this band called HEALTH. Normally, i'm not a big fan of noisy, dissonant music, but their brand of it is so different and refreshing.
This is the video for my favourite song from their album 'Get Color' called We are Water. It's probably one of their more melodic tracks, but words cannot express how perfect the video and song are for one another. so well done. obviously, a little ummm...crazy? (yet somehow a little funny at the same time? is it just me?) but so so so so good!!!! best music video i have seen in years

Anyway, I really wanna see HEALTH live. i think i would actually lose my shit and start a mosh pit or something - their music makes me feel so aggressive!! haha

It's Pop Montreal time again. Hoping to catch a few shows between now and Sunday.

full moon

2010-09-22T01:32:00.002-04:00

wierd day, possibly due to the moon. 3 hours of overtime at work (first time in 10 years that we've ever been 3 hours behind at the end of our shift). pay is gonna be nice, but 11 hours in that building makes me fucking crazy. it's a total mess.

also, the inside of my mouth feels like i've been chewing on razorblades for the last few days.

the internet

2010-09-16T16:31:00.007-04:00

sometimes i get a random day off during the week. Since i'm not in school this semester, i will have full days off occasionally, which is super awesome.

take today for instance. I'm sitting on my couch, head swimming with tiredness cause i had a real crap sleep - to make a long story short, i was awoken at 8 am after 3 hours of sleep by buzzsaws and hammering. turned out that they were changing the windows in the three apartments below me. they didn't change mine - i didn't ask, i just wanted sleep.

i'm kinda trapped at my place for the next few hours because i'm awaiting UPS' second delivery attempt of my most recent Amazon order. I can't wait to get my hands on House of Leaves, this book i just ordered. I'm currently a third into A Confederacy of Dunces, which i'm enjoying very much so far (i haven't loled while reading this much since trainspotting) but I absolutely can't wait to dive into House of Leaves - i'm sure i'll be writing a lengthy blurb about it sometime soon.

so anyway i'm being totally lazy, just lurking on Reddit and i stumble onto this thread which is a mindfuck on its own, but that's besides the point. so, i'm reading the comments which branch out ad infinitum as usual and someone links a youtube clip of the no-legs subway guy from Kids and that gets me reminiscing about Kids, cause i really liked that movie in my early teens (larry clark has sorta gone downhill in my esteem since then, but i digress) and that gets me to thinking about the guy who played Casper, who i always thought was quite cute and foul-mouthed. Then i remember that he killed himself so i head to imdb to check out his page to see how he did it and that leads me to the imdb message threads on his profile, in which a poster mentions the movie Less Than Zero, which kind of sounds familiar, but i know i've never seen it. I'm downloading it and really anxious to watch it. Robert Downey Jr. when he was still fucked up in the late 80's and the hotness of James Spader.

This is the sort of thing that makes me realize how cool the internet is.

facepalm

2010-09-16T14:26:00.004-04:00

While Americans get cut-throat, riveting, made-for-TV politics, what does Quebec get? A three ring circus complete with clowns and elephants (who don't forget, i.e "Je me souviens").

Take, for example, the woman i hate even more than Sarah Palin : Pauline Marois, leader of the evil and backward Parti Quebecois. I can't even begin to enumerate the reasons why i feel like she is a supreme bitch, but this new declaration really take the cake.

The Montreal Canadiens needs more francophones on the team

Is nothing in this province sacred? Do we really need our political leaders to spend time, in the name of their constituency, to comment on the makeup up our HOCKEY TEAM?? and people buy into this shit. someone at work the other day was bitching and moaning about how there were only a couple of french canadian players on the team and that he didn't have anyone he could relate to. Hell, my favourite player on the team is a RUSSIAN. these separatists are a real special breed. REAL special.

the line between who i hate more - Glenn Beck or Sarah Palin - is beginning to blur

2010-09-06T21:46:00.011-04:00

One Lump Or Two?
By James Howard Kunstler
on August 30, 2010 9:38 AM

Fox News entertainer, former drug addict, and professional weeper Glenn Beck took center stage at the Lincoln Memorial exactly forty-seven years to the day after Martin Luther King's "I Have a Dream" speech for a rally dedicated to "restoring honor," which is tea party code for the otherwise unutterable idea: get that n***** out of the White House! (despite the attendance of a few African-American shills on the scene).

Eighty-seven thousand disoriented citizens lined the DC Mall reflecting pool and adjoining lawns to witness Beck overstep his role as a television clown and don the mantle of an evangelist-savior battling the dark forces working insidiously to put the America of WalMart, Walt Disney World, Nascar, and Burger King into the Collapsed Society Hall of Fame -- where it's heading anyway, due to the bad choices these self-same citizens made during an extraordinary bonanza era of cheap oil that is now drawing to a close whether anyone likes it or not. Naturally, Beck invoked prayer against this prospect, which is what people resort to when they don't understand what is happening to them.

Beck himself just seems to be following a career arc more than really answering "a call." The emptiness of his platitudes and the confusion of his ideas shows that he is just flexing his demagogic muscles in a moment when weepy bluster passes for heroism. Ten years ago he was a cringing drunk contemplating suicide. Then he went shopping in America's Mall of Utopias for something to believe in and found Mormonism, a "religion" dreamed up by an imaginative young man on the agricultural frontier of western New York during an earlier age of ferment which -- guess what -- coincided with a decade of economic turbulence. (Anyone interested in the bizarre subject is advised to read Fawn Brodie's excellent biography of Smith, No Man Knows My History [Knoph,1945].)

Of course, what has allowed Beck to occupy center stage is the failure of rational political figures to articulate the terms of the convulsion that American society faces, brought about not by communists and other John Bircher hobgoblins but by the forces of history. The failure at the political center is a conscious one of nerve and will, of elected officials in both major parties playing desperately for advantage in defiance of the truth -- this truth being that the USA went broke trying to swindle itself into prosperity. Add to this the failure of the law to go after the swindlers, which has undermined the fundamental belief in the rule of law that enabled this society to function as well as it did previously.

Barack Obama personifies this failure these days, a politician proclaiming "change" who not only managed to change nothing, but promoted a continuation of the national self-swindling with legislation so dazzlingly prolix and complicated that no one can claim to have read either the Health Care Reform Act or the Financial Regulation bill, the two hallmarks of his tenure so far, neither of which will change anything about how we do these things. Why Mr. Obama has turned out to be such a weenie remains a mystery. Even the former communists at Russia Today laugh at the idea that he is a "communist" or a "socialist" and so do I. He certainly appears to be hostage of the more malign forces in society these days -- the medical insurance racket, the too-big-to-fail banks, the multi-national corporations. But I don't believe it's because he wants to suck up to them, or join their country clubs when his current job ends.

My own guess is that he's been informed that the system is so fragile that if he dares to disturb even one teensy-weensy part of it -- for instance, by throwing some executives from Goldman Sachs, Merrill Lynch, et cetera, into federal prison -- that said system will fly to pieces in a fortnight. So Obama's main task for a year and a half has been to desperately apply baling wire and duct tape to the banking system while telling fibs to the public about a wished-for recovery to a prior state. Unfortunately that prior state is the ecstasy of a self-swindle in the moments before it unravels... the sublime feeling of having gotten something wonderful for nothing. We're beyond that now and nothing on the age-old shelf of nostrums, spells, prayers, and miracle-cures will avail to bring that moment back, though the public does not know this.

This is what allows a faker like Glenn Beck to shine. The masses still truly believe that prayer will save them from bankruptcy, foreclosure, penury, the loss of status, and the cut-off of precious air-conditioning, so Glenn steps onto a national monument like an Aztec priest ascending the Pyramid of Huitzilopochtli to soothe the angry god with worshipful incantations, and incidentally maybe a few dozen sacrificial hearts cut out -- just as the tea-bagger right-wing glorifies the sacrifices of US soldiers blown up by roadside bombs for the sake of American military adventuring in lost causes like the war to turn Afghanistan into a functioning western-style democracy.

Glenn Beck's sidekick nowadays, Sarah Palin, is exactly the kind of corn pone Hitler that America deserves: a badly-educated, child-like, war-mongering opportunist easily manipulated by backstage extremist billionaires who think they don't have enough money yet. Sarah Palin is going to run for president in 2012. In the process she'll turn the sad remnants of the Republican party into a suicide cult, but she might just get elected and you can kiss the 230-year-long experiment in representative government goodbye for good.

In the meantime, the financial markets are getting ready to puke, the housing market has yet a million frauds left to unwind, the commercial real estate and retail sectors are crashing, the projects in Afghanistan, and Iraq, too (despite the current hype about the end of the combat mission there), are set to suck a few billion a day out of the system, indefinitely, and the season leading into the holidays is taking shape as a major amplification of all the converging clusterfucks that make these such interesting times. The tea-bagger faction will only get more desperately crazy as a result.

The bigger mystery in all this -- if I may perhaps engage in some nostalgia of my own -- is: what happened to reasonable, rational, educated people of purpose in this country to drive them into such burrow of cowardice that they can't speak the truth, or act decisively, or even defend themselves against such a host of vicious morons in a time of troubles?
----

see also: The Billionaires Bankrolling the Tea Party

sometimes i wish that Canadian politics was as interesting as that of our neighbors to the south. then i remember that boring political stability may be the lesser of two evils. the issues here are just as polarizing and we're not much different than Americans, of course, maybe just a little more subtle. and less fervently religious. With Harper and his conservatives at the helm of this country, our liberties are quietly vanishing. At the moment, I feel like we are in a situation comparable to the US during Dubya's first term. I can only hope that we won't give this jerk a second go at destroying the social programs and banking reforms that the Liberal party put in place over the course of 20 some odd years. There is a reason why Canada's banking and financial sector has weathered the storm of the current global recession remarkably well. We are considered to have one of (if not the) soundest banking system on the planet, thanks mostly to regulation. I'm a big fan of regulation (within reason, ofc), and if Harper and his cronies have their way, we'd see a sweeping repeal of regulation as witnessed in the States during Dubya's tenure as commander-in-chief. At this point I'm rambling, but bottom line = Harper bad, Glenn Beck = bad, Sarah Palin = the worst. By the way, if she decides to run for the presidency in 2012 (God help our neighbors to the South) I am most definitely reviving my Halloween costume from 2008!

Scary stuff, indeed!

if i hate moving so much, why do i do it so often?

2010-07-14T22:34:00.002-04:00

i have officially relocated to Pointe St Charles. Looking forward to getting to know the hood in the coming weeks. gonna bike all around... that is, if my bike doesn't get teefed during it's holiday in saint henri over the next few days.

i've been listening to this song over and over in the rental car i got for the week. so damn funky and good!!!

The Suburbs

2010-06-09T22:29:00.003-04:00

Just got back from an awesome awesome free Arcade Fire show...I really love Arcade Fire - they represent the 514 so well on an international stage... i will expound on this at length later this summer (!)

oK. a few day later.

drunk. daddy cab rules.

i'm about to go to bed listening to the new Cure re-issue of Disintegration.

i am so fucking excited. i prolly won't be able to sleep if this album sounds as good as i think it will. finally, after 21 years, DISINTEGRATION is gonna have that meaty bass that it deserves. fuck 1989 and its fucking analog recording shit. welcome to the 21st century DISINTEGRATION, the BEST MOTHERFUCKIN ALBUM in the history of music. hey, even Pitchfork gave it a perfect 10 (that counts for something)... i'm prolly too drunk to appreciate the epicness of this moment, but whatever........

Hot as fuck!!

2010-05-26T20:14:00.005-04:00

Wow it's HOT!!! HOT HOT HOT!!!

Hockey is done for the season but i can't complain - it was a wild ride while it lasted.

LOST is officially done. i'm a little bummed to be honest. With no hockey and no LOST i don't have to watch TV until september! haha

The new Wolf Parade album is awesome!! I'm also loving the new Booka Shade, Foals and Solvent albums.

well, that's me off to by some toilet paper; good times indeed!!

p.s.: can't wait for this movie to come out!!!! Sarah Polley is the best!

so it goes...

2010-05-20T23:26:00.002-04:00

no matter what bullshit life throws at you, there's nothing more comforting than being able to wake up in the morning with a smile on your face and good friends in your corner. that's all that really matters in the end.

hit a little speedbump in my summer of awesomeness, but it's nothing i can't handle. there's so much to look forward to, it's pretty staggering. Re-issue of Disintegration, new Arcade Fire album and Osheaga performance, lots of cabin action and camping, not to mention bike rides and swims and hikes and maybe a little LSD thrown in for good measure!

A little bullshit is a small price to pay to be reminded of how awesome your friends and family are - the important things are so easily overlooked or taken for granted.

2010-05-19T00:21:00.000-04:00

i suddenly feel like Catherine Deneuve's character from Repulsion

game 7 up in the biatch!!

2010-05-12T17:06:00.003-04:00

So I have barely posted about hockey this season due to feeling a little detached from team during the regular season. all the new faces, new coach, new system, etc... not to mention the general crapiness of this last regular season.

Come playoff time though, this all started to change.We are 2 hours away from game 7 of the 2nd round. This would be the furthest the Habs made it into the playoffs s9ince i starting watching hockey religiously in 2001.

Win or lose, I am so proud of the team and have been guilty of not having faith several times over the course of the last 13 playoff games. Well, I think we can do it, but even if we don't, there will be booze and friends to take comfort in!

GO HABS GO!

you know what?

2010-04-12T15:02:00.000-04:00

sometimes it sucks being a woman. just sayin'.

for a friend

2010-04-10T02:51:00.003-04:00

he breaks the spell still young
awakes from out this dream of life
and leaves us sleeping
storm racked blind consumed
by phantom pale displays of grief
he slips from out this shadow land of pain
where heads grow sorrow grey
and age destroys all hope
and spirits crushed
lament and hide away

but wordless watch the soft sky smile
and breathless hear the low wind sigh
"what death may join no more let life divide"

"dream yourself awake" he calls
"eternity awaits us all
open your eyes and be with me
be with me... "

he breaks the chains still young
dispels the hateful shades of treacherous time
and leaves us sleeping
tortured mute
devoured by ghostly shapes of life
he slips from ties of dust
to be the world we dream he lives
a part of everything we feel
the young and beautiful
and brave of heart

but wordless watch the soft sky smile
and breathless hear the low wind sigh
"what death may join no more let life divide"

"dream yourself awake" he calls
"eternity awaits us all
open your eyes and be with me
be with me... "
"dream yourself awake" he calls
"eternity awaits us all
open your eyes and be with me
forever... "

What a fucking shame...

The Cure - Adonais

:D

2010-04-09T20:36:00.001-04:00

That is all.

...

2010-04-02T02:58:00.001-04:00

well, it could have been fun.

looks like i'm stuck by myself for the next long while. i guess i'm used to it by now.

serious apartment hunting begins today.

sexy boy!

2010-03-26T23:36:00.002-04:00

although 3 necklaces is kind of overkill

this is the best and most accurate writeup on Pisces that I've ever read

2010-03-11T15:18:00.005-05:00

(a little cheesy at times, but we are talking about astrology after all...)

You are a Pisces

It's impossible to understand your real motivations, because like the tides of the ocean, they change all the time. Pisces is concerned with a realm that has no boundaries. Nothing less than the source of life itself is the secret you seek. No wonder, if you fail, that your disillusionment and world-weariness can be as great as your aspirations. It's sometimes said this last sign of the zodiac contains a little bit of all the others. And no one is as much of a chameleon as you.

You have a fluidity and complexity which can be alternatively enchanting and infuriating. There are so many people inside you that others wonder when the real Pisces will stand up and be seen. Sometimes you show a strange passivity or inertia when a crisis looms. But making decisions requires choosing one thing over another, and to you all choices contain some truth. Seeing the relativity of truth is a great gift, because it makes you tolerant and forgiving - and, occasionally, incredibly lax.

That calm, wise indifference with which you greet human transgressions not only applies to your own transgressions. You can sit quietly while your lover leaves, your children insult you, your employer heaps abuse on your head, and your landlord throws you out of your house. Pisceans seem to accept misfortune as though they were born to it, expect it, even welcome it. But you know something other signs don't: all that human suffering means little when your eyes and heart are focused on a greater unity.

Pisces is the sign of the mystic. Admittedly, there are Pisceans roaming about who are almost a caricature of the rational, scientific mind. These are the Fishes who are frightened of the chaos of their own depths. But probe more deeply, and unless the defences are incredibly rigid, there is a deep spiritual longing in every Pisces. Including you. That doesn't mean religious in an orthodox way. But you have an intuitive sense of some other reality, something magical and elusive, a transcendent unity which makes ordinary life seem drab and meaningless.

You also have a deep instinctive wisdom about the futility of so many human desires. Intense ambition, powerful passions, covetousness, greed...these ordinary human motives don't usually have much power over you. Deep down, you don't really take them all that seriously. After all, as they say in the East, it's only maya - only illusion. As a water sign, you're deeply sensitive to the secret undercurrents that lie behind the mask of ordinary human behaviour.

It's hard to fool a Pisces. But where others might respond by defending themselves and accruing resentment, you will look, see, feel saddened, and forgive. You often let yourself be taken advantage of, not because you're gullible, but because you feel sorry for all sorts of people. This material world isn't the real one to you; you listen to a different drumbeat.

You move in a world where every thought and action has thousands of associations which ripple out into infinity, and nothing is ever simple and clear. It's hard for you to discriminate, to limit yourself. This can incline you to excess, which can lead to some big problems with things like food, alcohol, drugs or financial extravagance. The compensation for this disturbing lack of boundaries is your boundless imagination. Even heavily defended, hyper-rational Pisceans have this wonderful imaginative faculty hidden away.

The world of the arts, and of intuitive science (including computer science, higher mathematics and physics) is heavily populated by gifted Pisceans. You have a built-in key to the vast and mysterious realm of the unconscious psyche, and it was given to you at birth as a gift. The trouble is, once in those waters, you sometimes find it hard to come back. Coping with mundane reality can be a real problem for Pisceans. Although your intuition may be lightning-quick and your intellect brilliant, you often overlook something simple, like the electricity bill.

You're also an incurable romantic. Some Pisceans have lots of defences to hide this tendency, but romantic you were born and romantic you will remain. And romance isn't just about love affairs. You crave magic, and you get bored more easily than any other sign. The only truly consistent things about you are your allegiance to a higher, deeper reality and your love and longing for change. Never mind the safe job, the conventional social status, the budget which ensures your pension will see you through old age. You'll take hyacinths for the soul any time.

from here

the years tend to accumulate

2010-03-07T04:39:00.001-05:00

good birthday celebration this year. pretty much everyone that mattered showed up, with a few exceptions...

i'm nice and birthday drunk. gonna listen to Seventeen Seconds and pass the fuck out!

WOW!!!!!!!!!!!

2010-03-04T18:32:00.007-05:00

holy shit...

oh my god....

WHERE HAS THIS BAND BEEN ALL MY LIFE?!

ok, i'd heard of And Also the Trees before today, because of their close ties to The Cure in the early 80's. I'd heard a few of their songs before, which for some reason were instrumentals, and I was kind of unimpressed. Anyway, I stumble upon them yesterday and I just took a 2 hour walk in the sun listening to them and...I think they are my second favourite band. I don't even know the singer's name yet but his lyrics are so fucking awesome!!! SO GOOOD!!! and the guitar is soooooo early 80's robert smith / flanger / chorus / delay Fender 6 string bass. Hot damn I'm excited!! hahaha

even the fact that it's my birthday tomorrow can't get me down!!

The man is a fucking genius!!! a seemingly pretentious one, but then again, all the best ones are.

The stuff is pretty dark so it obviously isn't for every day listening, however, it's really shimmery and beautiful too. it kind of makes me think of summer for some reason. also, the singer's delivery is really, really interesting. His voice is good (not great), but he has the most interesting style.

This song is my favourite so far. He kinda sounds like a much less Scottish version of Aidan from Arab Strap. does anyone write lyrics like this anymore?! Studio version is better, but this one has been remastered.

Gone like the Swallows

Balancing on the wind
Leaning on the cliff edge wind, in limbo
He watched sand running through the fingers
of his left hand into the palm of his right
He sees someone walking in a hot dry wasteland
Young, hesitant steps
Recognised her crooked fringe and narrow eyes
Threadbare, summer patterned, dirty cotton flowered dress
Scratched ankles and nail bitten hands
Wanted to touch her cool brown hair
But she was gone...
And his old tired face was as still as ever
An aeroplane hummed high up in the sky
Way up above the clouds
A green teapot, a pair of boots
A broken pocket, watch and chain
A born dead baby pig
Lying, pure white... bloodless
Soft and smooth as a gloved lady's hand
A spinning wheel, a bill hook
An umbrella, empty bottles, a tin bath
A hat stand and a slate grey pill box hat
Sailed past his grabbing hands
And were gone... like the swallows
Stuttered words, stuttered words
Voices asking questions he cannot hear
Come and find us
Step back or you'll fall
But the aeroplane is humming so loud now
Trying to cling to the summer cotton
Light threadbare patterned sleeveless
Flowered dirty carnation sunflower
Sweatstained primrose threadbare
Dirty disappearing decaying flowered
Fading cotton forgotten fucking summer dress(!!!!)
But it was gone...
Gone like the swallows

Fucking EPIC!!!!!!

And Also the Trees - Virus Meadow

2010-03-04T15:44:00.000-05:00

Rattled chime, slow ringing echo
Roll around in virus meadow
Suck enchanted nightshade twine
Hear the bells beneath us chime

Sinking sermon, priest head murmurs
Holywords across the meadows
Kissed the plagues' black rolling hand
Through his lips the virus sang

And the rooks, they seemed to follow him
Wherever he goes
Flapping in the flat sky
Shrieking in the spire
Hanging from the lead sky
Dangling from the sun
The rooks, they seemed to follow him
Wherever he goes

Nodding thistle, english sun dew
Swansneck woman, child-bed meadow
Aching shoulders sink and grow
As the bells from ditches toll

And the smeared skin wrapped limbs
Of the night brothers
Struggling.... crawling
Through the empty crack of morning
Of the night brothers...
Of the night brothers....

OMG HAHAHA EPIC FAIL LOL

2010-02-13T02:26:00.005-05:00

This is the perfect summary of the clusterfuck that was the Vancouver Opening Ceremonies.. from reddit:

zoziw 7 points 1 hour ago* [-]

"What the hell is going on?

We have a luge track that kills people.

We gave the first nations leaders "Head of State" status, and then they show up late leaving our GG and PM in a half empty dignitary box and broadcaster's trying to figure out why things seem to have gone off track.

There was an overlong First Nations welcome as they slowly dance out in a disorganized fashion...I've seen First Nations people dance many times and been very impressed, but not tonight.

Neither flag opens properly.

Bryan Adams and Nelly Furtado should never sing a duet together again.

The middle section was beautiful, the Orcas were great as was the showcase of Canada. Sarah McLachlan was great as well.

Then you have the fat guy making us look like a bunch of self righteous jerks and taking pointless cheap shots at the Americans with "we say zed not zee" and that Canada is an experiment that is "actually working".

The GG declares the games open...Yaaay!!! The games are on...oh wait, we need to sit through a slow and somber Leonard Cohen cover by kd f'n lang!

The hydraulics failed on the indoor torch rising. Steve Nash might have been smiling, but we could all see the "oh shit" expression on his face.

They stick Wayne Gretzky, one of our greatest athletes, in the back of a Silverado and drive him through the pouring rain for 20 minutes to light the final cauldron. I saw him almost slip at least twice.

Oh, and just for good measure...the whole entire world is watching.

Today was not a good day and tonight was not a good night."

She calls the doctor, says "look what i've done"

2010-01-29T15:46:00.005-05:00

Holy Shit! Is it ever cold!!!

-20C without counting the gale force winds /-35C with the wind. Why, God, Why???!

I called in sick to work today. I'm getting over a cold Sharon gave to me last weekend when she sneezed on me on purpose a couple times. what a cunt! Had major trouble falling asleep last night cause the snow plows kept me up. Finally called in to work at 6am and left a msg that i was still too sick to work.

I have to go to Guy to do this 15 minute cigarette survey and i don't even feel like leaving the house to go there, let alone walk along the trans-canada highway for 15 minutes to get to Chrysler.

So money woes aside, i made the right choice!!

There's this Jesus Lizard song i love called "lady shoes". it's my favorite JL song. I just got the urge to check out the lyrics and WOW! i had no idea.... This is like "Prison Sex" by Tool X 1000!!!

Still love the song mind you, but eeeesh... i feel dirty after reading that!

The Jesus Lizard Lady Shoes lyrics

There's a girl, playing her piano, there's a little girl,
playing her big piano
While her mother gives her an enema, while her mother
While her mother gives her an enema, while her mother
And then the daddy comes in and jacks off on the piano,
and jacks off on the piano
And jacks off on the piano, and jacks off on the piano
Meanwhile, the local maternity ward,
nurse comes in with a great big sledgehammer
She kills all the little babies,
destroys the monitoring system
Says she got some time to stick around
She calls the doctor, said look what I've done
She calls the doctor, said look what I've done
She calls the doctor, said look what I've done
Doctor comes in, pops a boner and jacks off in her cap
And then the motel manager comes by
And takes a little shit in his hand,
and then he takes a little shit in his hand
And then he takes a little shit in his hand
And the he puts it on like lipstick, lipstick,
he puts it on like lipstick, lipstick

i've got a lot of friends

2010-01-18T01:39:00.002-05:00

I LOVE this song. makes me wanna lie in bed with my headphones and listen to Mazzy Star albums all night...

I know just what your mama said
Always misunderstood
Gotta tell you something
I saw it in your eyes

I think I left your back seat
And now it's always good
I fell asleep from day
And all the promises

There's a lot of people
That let their will to say
I've got a lot of friends

And they've got beautiful eyes
That make my heart feel surprised
And you notice it
And that's the truth
That's the truth

Have me to you
I shine along underneath your view
I'll be the one
To let you know when you've come undone

I like the stars in the sky
And watch the moonlight go by
I've got a lot of friends

2010!!!!!!!!!

2010-01-07T15:35:00.002-05:00

Apart from my travels, 2009 sucked!!!! I'm pretty confident that this year will be much better.

I just started listening to this 80's band called Japan. I'd kinda heard of them, but never really heard them. This song kicks so much ass (the bass player's neck gyrations just make the video, though!!)

3:30AM Top 20 listt

2009-11-28T03:29:00.001-05:00

For no good reason, here are my 20 favourite U2 songs in order

20. Wake up Dead Man
19. Walk to the Water
18. Lemon
17. Stories for Boys
16. Acrobat
15. Zoo Station
14. Exit
13. Gloria
12. Fire
11. Zooropa
10. Hold me, Thrill me, Kiss me, Kill me
9. The Drowning Man (though not as good as the Cure's Drowning Man, of course!)
8. A Sort of Homecoming
7. The Unforgettable Fire
6. Running to Stand Still
5. Red Hill Mining Town
4. Until the End of the World
3. October
2. Bad
1. Stay

I've been watching U2 videos on youtube for the last three hours. Debating whether or not try to get tickets for the second show here that's going on sale in a few days. I kind of miss being a hardcore U2 fan. I mean, The Cure is superior in every way, but U2 will always be #2 in my heart, despite every album they've released since Zooropa. Actually, Pop was a bit of a guilty pleasure of mine. Bono used to be my Robert Smith. It just so happens that I identify a little more with the dark side! haha... Still don't regret switching favourite bands at the ago of 15. It was a natural thing. Plus, Robert's voice has stood the test of time better than Bono's has. I wasn't intending to turn this into a Cure vs U2 thing. My intentions were
good. I still love U2, even though it may not be cool thing these days... I'm not afraid to admit it!!!

let's begin again...

2009-11-15T02:20:00.002-05:00

I'm starting to regret having fucked off to Europe for 5 weeks this summer. I am in pretty massive debt at the moment and with another 6 semesters or so of school (at a grand a pop) looming, it;s looking more and more like i'm going to have to get me a student loan. I figure 5-6k should be plenty and in order to justify it, i keep telling myself that if i were getting my master's degree in the US, i would probably have finished off some 50k in the hole. I'll be finishing school right on the cusp of my thirties; seems pretty appropriate to me.

Just came back from my friend Sarah's band's 2nd gig - watch out for Les Moufettes, they kick ass!! I actually did an oder and dash tonight. Not quite a dine and dash, but i'm still engulfed in guilt. Or maybe i'm just drunk.

The habs suck so bad this year. Unfortunately, they do not suck bad enough to get a top-5 draft pick. That the Canadiens for you - they even suck at mediocrity.

They played in Nashville tonight.. lost 2-0.. second time they've been shutout this week. Carey Price stops 53 of 55 shots, tying the team record for saves in a match (and we're talking a hundred years worth of history here). I was lurking in a hockey forum that i visit religiously (yes, i am that cool!) and i came across this gem:

keep in mind that Carey Price is a HUGE country music fan.

the summer has finally arrived!

2009-08-14T00:38:00.002-04:00

This has been the rainiest summer that i can remember. That didn't really bother me much since i've been working pretty much full time since May. Picking parts in a warehouse when it's 30 degrees outside, without counting the humidity, is not a pleasant experience. Today we finally hit 30 degrees and it's supposed to be 32 tomorrow. Thankfully, yesterday was my last day of work for the summer. My 8th summer at Chrysler has come to an end. At least i can start doing fridays and mondays again in september, provided I decide to go back to school. I'm considering doing a certificate in translation. I can get it done in a year and a half and will then be able to freelance, submitting everything online. I just have to decide if I wanna spec. in french to english or english to french. I'm thinking translating to english will be easier, as it is my first language. I can always apply to do a master's, but that probably won't be happening.

Tomorrow afternoon i'm leaving for Europe for 5 weeks. For the last 2 days, my left ear has been bothering me. Not hurting as much as just feeling wierd. Kinda like there's water in there or something. I don't know. But it's freaking me out since I will be taking 4 flights over the course of the next month and ear trouble and planes makes for severe pain and general badness. I'm hoping it's just nerves or something. I'm going to have company for 2 weeks, but after Scotland I'm on my own. Shouldn't be a problem, but 3 weeks alone in Amsterdam and Brussels is still rather daunting.

I finally went to the doctor last week. My grandma referred me to her doctor, which is a godsend considering how hard it is to find a family doctor here these days. I got a head to toe exam, including a surprise or two which shall not be mentioned, but blood pressure and all that jazz seem to be in order. I do have to o for a slew of blood tests, which i probably should have done before i left, but that's obviously not going to happen. I've been feeling like shit for 7 months, i figure another one or two won't make much difference. Maybe i'm scared about what the results will show?

Anyway, that's me off on vacation. Too bad I'm not leaving in the same frame of mind as my last adventure through Europe in 2002. Travelling with a schizophrenic, sleeping in 20-people dormitories, nothing rattled me at all back then. Maybe it was because i was going to see the Cure in London at the end of my trip. Nowadays, I worry about everything: flying, food, trains, accomodation, you name it. I have turned into the ultimate pussy. Oh well. Once I land in Paris Saturday morning, the anxiety will surely turn into excitement - provided my left eardrum has not ruptured. gah!

2009-07-26T21:26:00.006-04:00

Jacob's Ladder is on Scream. I love this movie. It really disturbed me the first me i saw it, but i was 12 years old, so I forgive myself that. One of the few movies ***spoiler alert*** where the whole 'this story never actually happened either cause it was a dream or some kind of between life and death hallucination' doesn't feel like cop-out.

There's a thunderstorm happening as I type- i can't remember a summer with more thunderstorms in my 27 years of existence. Everybody's going on about how crappy this summer has been, and i don't necessarily dispute that, but i prefer this to the super hot, muggy weather that we usually get here during summertime. That being said, i hope that it's nice and hot in a month's time when i'm lounging seaside in The Hague. A little beach, a little war crimes museum - it'll be a great couple of days.

i'm reading three books concurrently: The Sound and the Fury by William Faulkner, Gravity's Rainbow by Thomas Pynchon and Lanark by Alaisder Gray. All three storylines, despite been completely not even close to similar, are starting to meld together in my mind to form some sory of hybrid, never-before-seen narrative. All three are great so far, although the Sound and the Fury is quite maddening in its non-linearness and time shifts and stream of consciousness style. The content is great, just a little frustrating in its presentation. I haven't had this much difficulty following a story in a long time. And they teach this novel to kids in high school!! it's all very humbling, says the girl who's considering doing a masters in comparitive literature. hahaha.

end of an era

2009-07-03T03:02:00.002-04:00

Goodbye Saku - I always thought that he would play his whole career here and retire as a Hab. I shouldn't even be thinking about hockey in early July, but the free agent frenzy here in montreal a few days ago has sparked my interest and got me really anticipating next season. Early October can't come fast enough, as far as i'm concerned.

This is a fitting tribute to our team's captain of 10 years - got me all teary-eyed, actually! haha

2009-06-10T12:57:00.003-04:00

good news!

now that i am seriously considering doing a 30-credit translation certificate, a still operating Chrysler would give me the chance to keep working there while i study.

I got my convocation over with - it's such a relief!! There were so many ppl at Place des Arts and so much waiting in one spot involved, and that's even before the start of the 2 and a half-hour long ceremony. To top things off, i got food poisoning the day before after eating some 'discounted due to oldness' pizza. never again. My mom and grandma were super happy so hat makes it all worth it.

I finally am working on getting a dotor's appointment to see what's going on with my insides. it'll be good to get that taken care of before i leave for Europe.

I gotta buy a bike. and a backpack. new shoes/ summer apparel. i hate shopping! haha

the first summer of the rest of my life

2009-05-23T02:27:00.003-04:00

School's done forever. My mom is making me go to my convocation in a few weeks - talk about boring!! But she played the 'i helped you pay for your education, this is what i get in return' card, so not much you can say to that, is there?

I just booked my flight to Paris in August. My mom let me cash in her aeroplan miles as a graduation gift so I got business class both ways. Can't wait to try out Air Canada's new seats that go fully flat. Luckily my friend is joining me for 2 weeks for the France to Scotland leg of the trip. Then I get to do the Netherlands to Belgium by myself. So looks like i'll only be on me own for 3 weeks or so - not to bad at all. Me, all alone, wandering the streets of Amsterdam's red light district at 3 AM... should be interesting to say the least.

This summer is shaping up to be the best in many a year for me. The only thing that could possibly make it better would be the Cure touring western Europe sometime between mid August to late September! haha! But, yeah, many good shows and festivals here in the city this summer as per usual and I plan to buy a bike (finally) this weekend which will facilitate travel greatly. Toss in a road trip to NYC with my close friends, the invetible camping trip and the possibility of a summer romp with someone i've been mildly lusting after for years and you get...a recipe for success!

More importantly, this is the first and last summer of complete freedom. Come October I suppose I will have to start thinking about what I want to do with my life.. I think all the panic attacks and anxiety that i've been dealing with since January is somehow tied to this (not to mention the other thing, or lack thereof).

In spite of that and for all the reasons listed above, this summer is going to rock!

April Showers

2009-04-21T17:53:00.003-04:00

I am very close to getting sick. I've felt weird since sunday - kinda dizzy, cloudy-headed... I'm pretty sure that my friend Kira gave me her sinus illness. Either that or the excessive drinking of the last two weeks (hey, I need something to drown out the suckiness of the Habs), or the fact that I ran out of vitamins a few days ago have finally caught up with me.

Chrysler might be closing down on the 30th of April if they can't come to a deal to partner with Fiat like Obama ordered. This could potentially suck big time - on top of all the millions of people that will be screwed over by their closing (as well as the huge hit to cities like Detroit, Flint, Windsor and Brampton) I was slated to start working there full time for the summer on May 1st. When I went into work yesterday, there were a bunch of copies of a letter from the CEO, basically blaming the CAW (canadian autoworkers union) for not willing to make any concessions. Everyone at works seems to be siding with the union.

The habs have lost something like 8 games in a row since Andrei Marko went down, including the first three games of their first round playoff series with Boston. Not only is it crappy having to watch the playoffs when your favorite player is injured but having to watch a team that you have invested so much time and emotional committement to (watching, for the most part, 82 games per season for the last 8 seasons) completely fall apart is pretty much worse case scenario. Everything has gone to shit this season... three quarters of the players severely underperforming, long injuries for ALL of of key players throughout the whole season, the off ice controversies, the French media here going completely batshit crazy, the coach getting fired, 12 unrestricted free agents at the end of the season, the All-star game being played here.... everything amount to one big, stinking, pile of crap of a centennial season. I respect Bob Gainey, but I think this team needs to be blown up - from the front office to the on-ice product. Major changes are needed: new President, new CEO, new GM, new coach, better players.

No, I'm not over-reacting at all... haha ;)

Anyway, i gotta end this rant to go buy massive amounts of fruit, juice, soup and sinus meds. It's gonna be a long week.

gah!

2009-04-12T16:06:00.003-04:00

haven't started my 15-page essay yet. it's 4 on sunday afternoon and this thing is due by 5 PM on Tuesday. I'm working at chrysler tomorrow, so that's 12 hours of my day gone... But I am getting triple time for working easter monday (100$/hr holy shit!! haha) and i'm getting paid for the day at Tower. Maybe I should just use some of that cash to get someome to write it for me... hmmm...

Reguar season is over. Last year we faced Boston in the first round, us being the top seed and them being the eigth. This year Boston's first and we're eight. Truth be told, I'm dreading this matchup. Going out in the first round to the ultimate bad guy team with the most smug fans would not be pleasant. Hopefully it'll be as epic as all the other mathups between these two teams. It is the second biggest rialry in the NHL, after all.

it's monday, i'm in love

2009-04-06T12:16:00.003-04:00

I know it's supposed to rain in April, but holy shit this is getting depressing. Nothing like an 8th consecutive rainy day that also happens to be a Monday.

This is one of the coolest things I have ever seen. I would pay a lot for this - it's pure genius.

Off to Chrysler for a rare Monday shift. No work this Friday for Easter (and 2 paid days off at each of my jobs) though, so it's the schlep is worth it. My mom gave my grandma her Charger until the lease is up next January since she bought a Jeep by using the car credit that came in her package when she left. It's hilarious watching my grandma pull up in the Charger, and I love driving it so everyone wins.

and so begins my journey to the west island in the rain. blah.

Home Stretch

2009-04-05T20:22:00.002-04:00

3 more weeks and I'm finished University! I'm so fucking pumped!

I'll be able to work at Chrysler this summer, provided that it doesn't close in the meantime, from May 1st to mid September. I gotta quit my current job by then, which sucks because everyone is real nice and they have treated me well. Also, I just got my insurance from them which gives me until May to go to the dentist and hopefully get my knee checked out cause it's still bothering me after over a month. Knees are really fucking important too - i use mine a lot.

Habs are winning again... Carbonneau got sacked last month and Gainey took over. I had a steamy dream about Bob Gainey a few weeks ago, which is both wierd and a little gross, but surprisingly enjoyable! But that's enough of that....

I Heart Tim Roth

2009-03-16T16:25:00.004-04:00

There's just something about that man and his acting that makes me want to do very, very dirty things to him.

My knee is still fucking killing me since I twisted it three weeks ago whilst attempting to not fall off a cliff in Costa Rica. Ligaments may have been destroyed, cause this is intense pain. Mind you, this weekend didn't help either. Next weekend will be far worse, however, as it's the St Patrick's day parade and Sharon's having something like the 6th installment of her annual St Patty's Day party. Having an apartment located directly above the parade's route is so ideal. I miss that place, but having a bedroom with no window for 2 years was iffy.

Semester's rolling on... the end is near...I rejoice.

blank

2009-03-06T02:00:00.005-05:00

27. it's gonna be a scary year.

WOW.... the Impact were about 60 secs away from making the ConCAF Champion's League semi's.. winning by 3 aggregate goals.... they let 2 goals in during the last minute of extra time. HAHA.. WOW!!!!!!!!!! They must be taking their cues from the Habs.

A poster on the rds.ca forums summed up the link between the two teams very succinctly:

"On dirait que Montreal et ses équipes sportives on un problème de confiance ou je ne sais quoi car dès qu'ils mènent, ils arrêtent de jouer!! La meilleure défensive, c'est l'offensive, tout le monde le sait bien! C'est pas parce qu'on attaque qu'on est obligé de prendre des chances, créé des revirements et des occasion de marquer bien au contraire!! Si l'adversaire se sens comme dans une pratique et qu'ils n'ont aucune pression c'est bien certain qu'ils vont mieux jouer!! "

What's with Montreal teams choking for the last 17 years???

Je suis vraiment déçue de notre belle équipe qui semblait aller tout droit vers la gloire...

What a fucking PATHETIC season. I called it months ago; something is wrong with this team. We'll be lucky to make the playoffs.

Back in one piece fro my Costa Rican adventure. Pictures and video will be forthcoming. My luggage should be finally delivered tomorrow after almost a week. And alfter I was told that it was lost. Delta could not pay me to fly with them. I will boycott them eternally.

More to come when less... and after Tuesday's 20 minute PR presentation. GAH!

the ever-approaching winter sun

2009-02-08T13:23:00.003-05:00

Computer still broken - waiting on stupid Acer keyboard from China. Habs have lost 8 of their last 10 and Robert Lang got his achilles tendon sliced off against the Bruins last week. The man's career is most likely over - it's so, so sad. The Canadiens have not been fun to watch this season at all. It's beginning to look more and more like last season was an anomoly; a bright blip in the series of disappointment and mediocracy that has been the last 8 seasons that I have witnessed.

On the brightside...screw hockey, I'm going to Costa Rica in 10 days!! haha..

Sharon says the house is awesome and way better than we all expected so that's great. I got my vaccinations last week - tetnus and Hep A - left arm hurt like a bitch for two days afterwards.

My dad was nice enough to lend me his laptop for today so that I could write and submit my first assignment in my online Poli Sci class. Taking an online course and not having easy and steady access to a computer is not advised. haha... whatever, as long as I pass everything (which is not a guarantee for the Psychology class that I'm taking) I will potentially be finished school forever in 2 months. It makes me smile.

Hopefully I'll be back on the internet for real soon because I'm starting to to feel completely disconnected from life!!

back on track

2009-01-11T21:26:00.001-05:00

Finally! I'm feeling back to normal after two weeks of sketchiness. Cut out a few of my bad habits - going on a week of semi-clean living. Still having the craziest dreams though.

I took the day off tomorrow to get my passport sorted out. I have a feeling that I'm gonna need to get my birth certificate re-issued too. I so hope that i didn't leave thing things until too late. Wish me luck, as I will be entwined in the red tape of bureaucracy for the better part of tomorrow! haha

time rolls on...

2009-01-05T00:14:00.004-05:00

Habs pulled out a squeaker today in the shootout. Those weird 2pm Sunday games that happen once a year never fail to be strange in some way. Missed the game cause I had to work today, but I recorded it. Still decimated by injuries but we have the 3rd best record in the East. We need Price and our captain back in the lineup asap though!!

I booked the room that Kira and I are gonna crash in during our one night layover in Atlanta. Same price as the Econolodge (68$) and according to the customer reviews on traveladvisor, it should come with less prostitues, shady dudes lurking in the shadows and body hair in the sheets. Ah well, it's really just somewhere to lay our heads for the night; I am brining my own pillow case however. ;) It's right near the airport on Virigina avenue and has a free shuttle service which will come in handy for our 9am flight. Sharon and Mayday are staying with Mayday's friend somewhere in the outskirts of the city. I hope it is safe. I kinda want to see the city a bit, but from what I hear, it's a rough town - lotsa gang violence and such. Kira and I are tough cookies and can take care of ourselves but I dunno if we want to find ourselves in the wrong part of Atlanta after dark. In all of 2008, there were 25 homocides in Montreal. Too lazy to research it, but I'm sure Atlanta tops that in a week!

I'm still feeling sketchy... Panic attacks are less frequent and less intense, but they are still happening. My heart atually hurts right now...that can't be good. I wish I could figure out what the hell is going on with me. School starts tomorrow and I'm working the next 6 days in a row - I don't have time to be slowely going crazy and having my body crap out on me. One more week of this and i'm going to the doctor, another week after that and I'm getting a shrink.

back in business

2009-01-03T01:47:00.004-05:00

feeling a bit more like myself today.

I stopped off at Sharon's after work and we watched The Breakfast Club. It was nice - just what the doctor ordered.

I watched Burn After Reading last night to cheer myself up. I enjoyed it immensely; it was a real clusterfuck of a movie (in a good way!). Not quite Big Lebowski funny, but up there, for sure!

Just about to sit down and watch Religulous. Not a big Bill Mahrer fan, but I'm expecting a decent docu. In any event, it can't be half as scary as Jesus Camp!! With all the going's on in Gaza right now, I guess it's pretty pertinent. If my dad takes me out for lunch tomorrow I'm gonna make him try to justify what Isreal is doing (boo Isreal). My dad is a very non-practicing Jew, but he still feels a certain affinity for the motherland. Despite how evil I think Isreal is, I still want my dad to take my sister and I out to the temple for the big Passover meal this year - they'll never know that I'm a baptised and confirmed Catholic and I get to gourge myself on matzoh ball soup and latkahs! haha

crazy start

2009-01-01T20:47:00.005-05:00

so far 2009 has been less than stellar for me. I've had the flu since monday - i haven't been to my customer service job since christmas eve. I gotta go in to work for 7 hours tomorrow or I'm fired for sure, which wouldn't be good, since I'm a week away from finishing my 3 month probation and getting my medical insurances. I've been feeling so sketchy since monday - basically constant nausea, chills, sweats. Things had been getting better, last night I was on my way to Sharon's to spend an hour or two at the small party that she was throwing. I got off the subway at Lionel-Groulx and thought I was gonna puke everywhere, so I walked back home. It's been so cold these last few days too.

Anyway, today I start getting these crazy panic attacks, like i've never experienced before. My heart's racing a mile a minute, I'm crying at the drop of a hat and I've had this ominous weight on my shoulders all day long. It's driving my crazy. I feel so isolated; I don't feel well enough to go anywhere to see friends or have anyone in. I just really want to be with my mom right now for some reason.

I'm really hoping that this is just some kind of monster pms or something, which would make sense, but feeling like this for going on 5 days is wearing me out. I am so physically and mentally drained right now, it's unreal. Talk about a good motivator for a lifestyle change. I need a serious de-toxification (home de-tox, not institutional...hehe). I am officially resolving for 2009 to clean up my act: gotta eat better, join the gym at school and cut down on the booze and caffeine and whatnot.

On a brighter note, there's this place in Costa Rica called the Monteverde cloud forest which is basically like a rainforest with a crazy canopy of clouds. I am definitively dragging Kira (I don't see Sharon and nature mixing) out there for some of the trails. It's only 3 and a half hours away from where we're going to be staying.

Right now, I should be cleaning the apartment but I think I'm just gonna take it easy - maybe watch a comedy or something - i could use a laugh or two. I never want to feel the way that I have for the better part of today again. For someone who prides herself on being so even-tempered, this is disconcerting to say the least.

fire walk with me

2008-12-21T03:28:00.000-05:00

... I told him that BOB was getting very very close and that I was trying as hard as I could to write about him to find out what he was, who he was, before he could get to me. I had been writing so much about him in my diary in poems and dreams and each time I did it I would see him at my window or feel him coming closer, but I wasn't sure if it was paranoia. . . . I just wanted to be normal. I just want to be like everybody else. I don't like having to be careful of who to talk to because someone might hate me if they knew the truth about me, about how dirty I am. And how somehow, I don't remember it, but, somehow everyday I asked to be treated this way. It always happens, so it must be something I don't realize I say, or something I think. I told him how I went to my safety deposit box and how I saw the drug money there and I had a fantasy about taking it and running away forever. But I didn't deserve that. I deserved to stay here. I had done something wrong. My heart hurt so badly, but I knew I had to stay.
I took the responses from my ad in Fleshworld home with me and stayed up all night putting pictures of me and my panties into envelopes . . . and how I had to keep getting higher and higher on coke so I wouldn't break down and cry and I didn't want anyone to hear my cries because they didn't matter to them anyway. They never have.

Love, Laura

PAGE RIPPED OUT
(as found)

Dear Diary,

Undated

I know who he is. I know exactly who and what BOB is, and I have to tell everyone. I have to tell someone and make them believe.
Someone has torn pages out of my diary, pages that help me realize maybe . . . pages with my poems, pages of writing, private pages.
I'm so afraid of death.
I'm so afraid that no one will believe me until after I have taken the seat that I fear has been saved for me in the darkness. Please don't hate me. I never meant to see the small hills and the fire. I never meant to see him or let him in.
Please, Diary, help me explain to everyone that I did not want what I have become. I did not want to have certain memories and realizations of him. I only did what any of us can do, in any situation. . . .
My very best.

Love, Laura

P.S. I'm giving you to Harold for safekeeping. I hope I see you again. I can't stay sober anymore. I just can't. I have to be numb.

THE PRECEDING WAS LAURA'S LAST
ENTRY. SHE WAS FOUND DEAD JUST
DAYS LATER.

1 4 2 or "You're delicious, dreaming slack jawed, green-eyed"

2008-12-21T01:43:00.009-05:00

Great, exciting game!! Totally not what I expected against Buffalo! The mini-fight between BGL and Andrew Peters tonight sums up the game nicely:

Me likey! haha... I'll admit that I was a little skeptical about the Laraque signing last summer, but it sure is nice to have a bonafide enforcer on the team. And the fans at the Bell Center love it, especially since he's a hometown boy. Acually, I don't think anyone could call Georges Laraque "boy": he's all man.

Anyway, the game was a little closer than I would have liked - we had to come from behind 3 times - but i'll take an overtime win any day, baby! Next up, Carolina, and then no hockey until the 27 :(

If I can keep my Habs prediction streak going, and catch a few other teams' games, I'll do some Mise-au-Jeu and try to make a little money off of it! And if that goes well, I'll have to hit up the Casino over the holidays. Nothing I love more than some good company, a (few) stiff drink(s), a little icing sugar and a few hours of Keno! hahaha

I'm re-reading The Secret Diary of Laura Palmer that David Lynch's daughter Jennifer wrote. It's too bad that the few films that she directed were such utter disasters; I thought the diary was so promising. Maye she should stick to writing. I'm on a bit of a Twin Peaks bender at the moment. Sarah and I are gonna bake a cherry pie and have a Twin Peaks marathon during the holidays. I can't wait!! It is so crazy just how deeply affecting it is reading this again. I remember why it got to me so much the fist time round. So many parallels to be drawn between my teenage years and hers. Had I a few drinks in me, I would maybe even be tempted to post the lyrics to the song I wrote about her years ago. Luckily, that is not the case! haha

2008-12-20T18:56:00.004-05:00

Even though I was wrong about Kovalev breaking his slump last week, he did manage to score the game after. Tonight I have a feeling... I predict victory!!! Buffalo is going down - as long as we dictate the style of play and not adjust to an inferior team's style.

Still lots of injuries, AK46 being the latest to go down. He's only day-to-day tho. I hope Price is back in nets tonight or tomorrow against Carolina. Halak makes me nervous with all the rebounds. I'm also predicting a victory tomorrow night to avenge that piss-poor effort against Carolina last week.

tripping down memory lane

2008-12-19T02:38:00.006-05:00

Noah, the almighty rave.ca admin seems to have put up all the old threads that were lost a few years ago when ravewave switched servers. I just spent the better part of the last 3 hours reading all 3500+ messages I posted on the forums since 2003. Some were funny, some were cringe-worthy and some were downright sad. My only solace is that at the time I was usually on ravewave all day while working at my dad's "tea shop", so all that crap I spewed was really just in the name of killing time. The weirdest thing was realizing that my writing style and sentence structure was far superior 5 years ago. And that's what I have to show for 4 years in English Lit?! HA!

Wrote my first and only final of the semester today; I think it went well. We shall see...

Tomorrow, before work, I'm booking my flight to Costa Rica on travelcuts.com. Roundtrip Montreal to Costa Rica with a layover in Alanta on the way home for 530$ incl. taxes and surcharges! INCROYABLE! haha ! My share for the house that Sharon rented for the month is gonna be 150$. So, basically, I get a 10-day vacation to Central America for under a grand - sweet deal. This will also be the first time I get to travel with friends; been around the world and back but always with family or by myself. The destination itself isn't anywhere I've been particularly itching to see, but 10 days with my girl friends down south in the heart of winter is gonna be sooooooo sweet!!

I've actually had a very good week. Things are looking up for now. If only I could get... nevermind... ;)

weeeee

2008-12-15T23:32:00.002-05:00

This has been a very exciting last 24 hrs for music!

Last night, I got to watch the webcast of The Cure playing the KROQ almost acoustic Christmas show. The performance itself was terrible. Actually, that's not true; Porl was totally ripping it up, and Simon was great as usually and was wearing his (dubbed by female Cure fans around the world) "penis hugging tight pants" and whoever was shooting the show for KROQ must have appreciated, because there were lingering crotch shots galore!!

Robert's voice was terrible- he was either drunk or hungover from the myspace secret show the night before. I forgive him the bad performance, as it happens so rarely these days. Anyway, I could relate as I was hopelessly hungover yesterday. I crashed on Sharon's couch for a few hours that morning after the drinking ended around 8. i slept until noon but her couch kinda sucks. I made my way home very painfully and slept for the rest of the day.

On Friday, Pitchfork announced that Arcade Fire was releasing a DVD of the Neon Bible tour from a few years ago. This pleased me immensely! So I just finished downloading the "small version" (in size, not length). I can't wait to watch it - the trailer looks so good:

But I must not give in to temptation. I have to finish the 2000-word analysis of that hour long recording I made at the Burgundya Lion last month. I hadn't realized how drunk we all were, until listening to the recording. There's a heck of a lot of profanity to edit out, should make for some interesting transcribing...

2008-12-14T22:48:00.000-05:00

This is not a test, it's difficulty
Picture closely, the ignorant mostly
Blind, deaf, dumb, your mind left numb
Lost soul who failed to hear the roll of the drum
In the bottom of your bomb shelter, still felt the
heavy blast that blew off the masks of twelve welders
The math of an elder, praise the Lord - thank you Genius
Operation: Project English
Commander-n-chief of flight style, check the aircraft
Glide like the frisbee, Digi look Disney
To check fault in oneself is pure loveliness
You break the mirror that remind you of your ugliness
So when I bust, no one is untouched
Some returning with the mic clutched, like such
who plan but never execute
He had the heat in his hand, but yo he didn't shoot
Therefore; your mechanism of material better be sickly
or let your lead spread incredibly quickly
I move bravely, travellin on a horse
on the battlefield, surrounded by the lost
of those who plotted with the brains of animals
My high molecular structure be untangible
The name ring a bell, killable two syllable
The Wu is comin through, the outcome is critical
To be blunt, the beef was cooked up like coke goods
The rhyme first came to me in the oak woods
Up to no good, rap icon
"Milk" the industry like the Wall Street junk bond
You see the bright stone, I got your height sewn
Direct current, that move through the mic-phone
Key contributor, well known major factor
Rhyme distributor, the drive of a tractor
who run ya down if you don't wanna move or wanna linger

The immortality of my fame is the measure of other's torture
Burnt offer, from a flamin author
The falconer who flies enough birds for the chase
Strictly excel in what is excellence with grace
The significance was not the vulgar applause of interest
but the feelin that exit, completion of a sentence
With age and experience, my reason ripens
I strike on you Vikings, slash like a hyphen
If you enter the house of fortune by the gate of pleasure
You will leave by sorrow, the flow measures
everything fails with the unfortunate
Learned that recordin it, so my mind broaden it
Track records, ranks us, with the exceptional
Extreme complex physics, high technical
The truth is usually seen and rarely heard
What's more dangerous than hatred, is the word
You wild cards, Jack of all trades
Those who parade their positions, show their Spades
A large flock of MC's, they figure to be taught
It ain't hard to see why I'm vigorously saught

GZA - Breaker, Breaker

go habs go

2008-12-13T18:35:00.004-05:00

Washington is visiting the Bell Center tonight. Koivu is out with an ankle injury, which flat out sucks. Apparently we used all our good luck in the injury department last season. Komisarek has been out since that horrible, horrible game against Boston what seems like an eternity ago. Dandenault fractured his arm a few days ago and Higgy's out indeterminally. The only good thing about the situation is the fact that it's still relatively early in the season.

Kovalev is wearing the "C" tonight since Koivu's out. He hasn't scored in something like 17 games. I'm calling it: at least 2 goals for Kovy tonight. ;)

how the end always is..

2008-12-13T04:07:00.004-05:00

Still stuck in Cure land.

My obsession tends to ebb and flow. At the moment it's ebbing (or is it flowing?!)

No matter. It's such a comfort knowing that regardless of what's going on around me, I can pop in Disintegration or Wish or Pornography or Faith (or to a lesser degree any of the 9 others) and get lost in Robert's voice. While my raging physical attraction to him has waned over the years, his voice... oh, his voice...

I know every single Cure song ever recorded inside and out - I can play every bassline and every guitar hook, I can play entire albums in my head from start to finish. And yet, even after listening to certain songs for the thousandth time, they still evoke that special feeling that no other band has ever gotten close to providing for me. I think it's time to seriously consider my Cure tat, cause at this point I know that I'm hooked for life.

It is a damn shame that Robert slacks off in the lyrics department these days. I can understand that after 30 years of writing lyrics, maybe he's said all that he has to say. Despite that, the sheer lyrical brilliance of Robert Smith in his prime has and will never be matched. I defy anyone to prove me wrong.

I mean, take Disintegration: 7 mins of the most intensely devastating lyrics delivered with anger and yearning unlike any other vocalist can match... utter, complete brilliance...

dropping through sky
through the glass of your roof
through the roof of your mouth
through the mouth of your eye
through the eye of a needle
it's easier for me to get closer to heaven
than ever feel whole again...

The Cure on Leno any minute now!!

2008-12-12T00:12:00.003-05:00

My love for the Cure must be boundless... I've sat through 12 mins of the Tonight Show so far, and the guest tonight is TOM CRUISE!! hahahaha.. I'm trying to picture Tom and Robert Smith rubbing elbows in the green room before the show. Also, the weird dynamic in the crowd between the Cruise and Cure fans!!

I've always been way more partial to Letterman, though these days Colbert and Stewart are all the latenight TV guys I need.

R.I.P Bettie Page. A true beauty, unlike what passes for it these days.

2008-12-11T04:07:00.010-05:00

Got caught up on the edge of the deep green sea tonight. This song... so many memories. I remember when we used to whisper the lyrics to each other during those endless nights years ago...

Every time we do this
I fall for her
Wave after wave after wave
It's all for her
I know this can't be wrong i say
(and i'll lie to keep her happy)
As long as i know that you know
That today i belong
Right here with you
Right here with you...

And so we watch the sun come up
From the edge of the deep green sea
And she listens like her head's on fire
Like she wants to believe in me
So i try
Put your hands in the sky
Surrender
Remember
We'll be here forever
And we'll never say goodbye...

I've never been so
Colourfully-see-through-head before
I've never been so
Wonderfully-me-you-want-some-more
And all i want is to keep it like this
You and me alone
A secret kiss
And don't go home
Don't go away
Don't let this end
Please stay
Not just for today

Never never never never never let me go she says
Hold me like this for a hundred thousand million days
But suddenly she slows
And looks down at my breaking face
Why do you cry? what did i say?
But it's just rain i smile
Brushing my tears away...

I wish i could just stop
I know another moment will break my heart
Too many tears
Too many times
Too many years i've cried over you

How much more can we use it up?
Drink it dry?
Take this drug?
Looking for something forever gone
But something
We will always want?

Why why why are you letting me go? she says
I feel you pulling back
I feel you changing shape...
And just as i'm breaking free
She hangs herself in front of me
Slips her dress like a flag to the floor
And hands in the sky
Surrenders it all...

I wish i could just stop
I know another moment will break my heart
Too many tears
Too many times
Too many years i've cried for you
It's always the same
Wake up in the rain
Head in pain
Hung in shame
A different name
Same old game
Love in vain
And miles and miles and miles and miles and miles
Away from home again...

---

Yesterday, I found out that you got married last month. 10 years ago, my friends all told me that with time, things would get easier. I'm still waiting. I guess the difference between us is that when I said forever, I meant it. "Hold me like this for a hundred thousand million days", indeed.

Je suis tellement fière d'être québecoise, mais je suis Canadienne avant tout.

2008-12-08T23:52:00.009-05:00

No more elections for a few years, plz!!

Just got home from work. Damn, is it ever cold!! Just a few days ago, I was marveling at how mild it has been so far in December and I think I jinxed the province. -20C all day today, not even counting the wind chill.

On my way home from Chrysler on the bus I was listening to the radio on my Mp3 player as the election results were coming in. First off, since I didn't get the chance to vote today I suppose I'm not entitled to bitch about the results. However, it was way too cold to walk to the polling station before work which resulted in the lowest voter turnout in our provincial elections at something like 57%.

The Liberals got a slim majority with 66 seats,the Parti Quebecois did better than expected with 51 and the ADQ crumbled, winning only 7 seats (Mario Dumont resigned as head of the ADQ, which is pretty much the only good news).

So I'm sitting in the crowded 215 listening to the radio and Pauline Marois is giving her "victory speech" (congrats on losing the election??). The Parti Quebecois militants are chanting "ON VEUT UN PAYS!! ON VEUT UN PAYS!!" (WE WANT A COUNTRY!! WE WANT A COUNTRY!!) in the background and as soon as I hear this, my eyes well up with tears. I must of looked like a real idiot, on the verge of crying, but thankfully no one was paying attention. So to this she replies to the crowd: "On va l'avoir, c'est sure" (We will get it, for sure!). I am so sick of these fucking separatists... they may want their country, but why the hell do they deserve to tear mine apart in the process? This good showing by the PQ could very well rally the separatists who have been pretty quiet since losing the referendum in '95.

I love my country and I love my province. I love living in Montreal; there is nowhere else in the world that I would rather call home. But if the PQ starts rocking the boat and talking about separation and referendums again, I am out of here. I just can't take deal with this again. In 1995, we came within 1% of Quebec separating from Canada. I was 13 years old, and worried sick that I could wake up in a different country than the one I went to bed in.

Just watching this video brings back all the anxiety and emotion of that night.

Even more telling is the video from the cbc.ca archives of the broadcast that night: here Poor Peter Mansbridge sounds so deflated at the beginning of the segment when the Yes side was still ahead. It's so touching to hear the reactions of the crew and people behind the scenes - it goes to show just how emotional that night was for every single person in this country.

Now I'm not even all that politically-minded, but I was raised to be a proud Canadian. My mother sent me to a French elementary because she wanted me to learn French so that I would have every opportunity to work here. I am so thankful to her for having this foresight. I don't know anyone who is more bilingual than my mom, but she was raised in a French neighborhood. I grew up in the English part of town with almost exclusively English friends, but thanks to my six years at Charlemagne, I speak near perfect French. I hold as much resentment towards Anglophones who live here and make zero attempt to learn the language (some of my best friends included) as I do to the separatists who refuse to utter a word of English. In the long run, though, it's the pettiness and xenophobia of the separatist Quebecois that make them the bigger of two evils. It's all good and fine if you plan on spending the rest of your life in Abitibi-Temiscamingue or some backwoods town, but as soon as you set foot outside of the province you will come to realize that a knowledge of English is imperative if you plan on traveling or doing business outside of Quebec. I will grant that Quebec is a distinct society, but is it anymore than British-Columbia, or any of the Maritime provinces? (Ontario and the Prairies are pretty much all the same thing anyway! hahaha) I apologize for the ranting and raving, but this is something that, even in Montreal, affects usona day-to-day basis. English-French relations in this province can be tenuous, and there is so much history to consider. It is something that profoundly interests me, and should I ever decide to do a Master's degree, I would love to study it more in-depth, be it through Linguistics or Sociology or History or whatever. That, however, is VERY unlikely! haha.. I'm gona take my bachelor's degree and run!!!

So, all that said, I really hate provincial politics here. These sovereigntists always try to play the US against THEM game. They have made me feel that since my name is not Louise Tremblay or whatever, that I do not belong here, that I am not a Quebecer. We've had a 13-year reprieve , with no talk of seperation; politics here had begun to shift more towards left vs. right ideologies instead of Federalists vs. seperatists. Now, with Marois seemingly lighting a fire under the sovereigntists' butts, I am so scared that all this crap is going to boil over again. With the way the economy is going, and the state of wordly affairs in general, this PETTY DIVISIVENESS is the last thing we need. So, at the first whiff of the PQ gaining steam and any chance of another referendum, I'm packing my bags and saying goodbye to my home.

haha.. i just posted this in the video comment for the youtube video I posted above:

"ayoye.. en entendant le discourse de Marois a soir, avec le monde qui scande "On veut un pays!" ca m'a fait penser a 1995.

Honnetement, si jamais le Quebec obtient son independence, nous autres a Montreal, on va se separer du Quebec. Ca serait interessant, n'est-ce pas? Passer par les douanes chaque fois que vous venez en ville!! haha.. ca me fait rire. Comme si y'avais pas d'autres choses encore plus importants qu'un "Quebec libre".. l'economie en particulier."

(wow... listening to Marois' speech tonight, with people chanting "we want a country" made me think back to 1995. Honestly, if Quebec ever gets its independance, we here in Montreal wil seperate from Quebec. It would be interesting, don't you think? Having to clear customs every time you want to come to the city. haha.. it makes me laugh. As if there weren't more pressing issues at the moment than a "free Quebec", like the economy for instance...")

oh man, I am soooooo gonna get blasted by the separatists!! I'll be sure to post the most colorful remarks here.

Je suis tellement fière d'être québecoise, mais je suis Canadienne avant tout.

the stillness of 5am

2008-12-07T05:25:00.002-05:00

just had a smoke outside - it's so dead and barren at this hour. It's 5:30am and I'm not the slightest bit tired; there's nothing on TV, too late to commit to a movie, i'm not in a reading mood, already passed my gaming hours quota for the day and i'm not about to start studying at this hour. I'M BORED!!! times like these make me wish that there was someone here with me to occupy/entertain/distract me/other things (:D)...

For now, this will have to do:

http://www.ustream.tv/channel/shiba-inu-puppy-cam

I've been watching these puppies grow, play, sleep, twitch, sleep, play, etc.. for weeks. I'm not the biggest fan of dogs (cats are less smelly and have more personality) but these puppies are the absolute cutest!!

... I really do wish i had someone to talk to....

boooo

2008-12-05T01:14:00.004-05:00

Well, hopes are dashed - parliament has been suspended and the politicians get 2 months off during an economic crisis. sound logic.....

On a brighter note, FINALLY a movie i can look forward to seeing in the near future. I don't think that I've been very excited for a new release since the Dark Knight. Seems like all my favorite directors are taking synchronized time off.

David Fincher + Arcade Fire? Brilliant!!!

2008-12-03T23:28:00.002-05:00

It looks like the Conservative's minority government is set to topple only 60 days after being elected. Just read this article on cbc.ca and apparently things will be decided by Michaëlle Jean on Monday.

"The fate of the Canadian government now depends on how Jean, who returned to Ottawa on Wednesday from Europe, decides to handle the political crisis.

If she is asked to prorogue Parliament and agrees, Harper's Conservatives will be able to avoid a no-confidence vote in the House of Commons on Monday that could precipitate the rise of a Liberal-NDP coalition.

But if Jean refuses to suspend the current parliamentary session, she will then have to decide whether to call an election should the Conservatives lose the vote of confidence, or approve the proposed coalition government"

As the Queen's representative on Canadian soil, I would get such jollies seeing her kick Harper to the curb.

This is insane! If a Federal election is called next Monday, that'll be my third election in 2 months. We have our provincial election in Quebec on December 8th. Charest is gonna take it, for sure! I can't wait for the Liberals to trounce Pauline Marois and the Parti Quebecois. She is probably my third most hated woman after Anne Coulter and Sarah Palin.

i dreamt that yesterday was really tomorrow

2008-12-01T01:06:00.004-05:00

Watched Inland Empire for the second time last night. Still just as perplexed and Laura Dern's maniacal clown grin is just as traumatizing the second time round. David Lynch gets me every time; the genius of that man knows no bounds.

Just recorded an hour-long project for my sociolinguistics class at the Burgundy Lion with a few friends over a few pints. I'll prolly end up having to transcribe my input as [inaudible] due to having a few pints before eating anything. I can work around though. Despite that, I'm excited because I had a diverse group of people (Scottish, French Canadian and English Montrealer) which should provide some interesting data to explore. Way too tired to tackle that tonight, however, as I think bed is calling...

Last phonology class tomorrow. Final exam. By my calculations, even a 0/18% will yield a passing grade for the class. w00t. no pressure, but I want to avoid my GPA taking too big of a hit. We'll see...

There is currently a massive amount of sleet, sleeting down on the city right now. It made for an unpleasant walk home from the pub. Just a taste to come, though... I plan on becoming a hermit until March comes round!

the light at the end of the tunnel

2008-11-27T22:55:00.003-05:00

...and it's not a train!

haha

Only a handful of classes and a few projects and I'm done for the semester! Things turned around nicely for me, and I'm even sitting at a C+ in phonology (which is by no means satisfactory, but given the circumstances, I'll take it!). Looking forward to the few weeks of rest afforded by the Christmas break. Seen as how it looks like my father will be buying my sister and I crackbox 360s, I'm sure I'll find ways to fill my time constructively ;P

I plan on reading The World Without Us which i bought as a Christmas gift to myself (I justified it by saying it was to get free shipping for my mom's gifts on Amazon!). Can't wait to find out what will happen to all traces of human existence after our hypothetical extinction.

laugh or cry?

2008-11-25T00:01:00.004-05:00

we were playing a decent game tonight against the Isles; things looked as if they were getting back on track. 4 mins to go with a 3-2 lead and a delayed penalty call on New York. Price goes to the bench for the extra attacker and then this happened:

we went on to lose in the shoot out.

this is all so symbolic of our season so far....

pathetic!!!!

2008-11-13T22:39:00.004-05:00

after getting smoked last saturday by the Leafs 6-3, Boston dominates us in every facet of the game tonight which finished 6-1 Bruins. This match was over before it even began - absolutely fucking appalling! Komisarek finally dropped the gloves against Lucic and had his ass handed to him AND managed to get injured in the process!!! argh! Something's not quite right in the land of the Habs... Despite the season being only 14 games old and a 9-3-2 record, the effort and consistency that they displayed every game last season is visibly absent so far this year. /sigh.

meanwhile, i'm entering the tail end of my worst semester to date. Thankfully, there's only one more to go, provided I pass everything, which at this point isn't a guarantee. Not only did i miss an in-class essay for my Romance Languages class (15% off my grade right there), but when i go to write the second part the next class, I write my essay on the wrong question!!! So that's another 15% off my grade right there.

My first phonology test came back - 9/25. Wrote the second one on Monday and I'm fairly convinced that I did worse. I am SUCH AN IDIOT for picking the most random and useless subject ever for a minor.

Yes, I am feeling a tad bit edgy these days...

Hats off, America!

2008-11-04T23:19:00.009-05:00

Nice to see this sort of monumental occurrence happen in my lifetime.

John Mccain is making his concession speech as I type. He is much more eloquent and believable in this sort of environment. What a weird crowd there at the hotel in Arizona though!! These are the backward people who will be cheering just as loud for Palin in 2012. Booing during the man who you campaigned for/support's speech is just classless and disrespectful.

You know what I think sealed the deal for Obama in PA?

ahahaha... it gets more cringe-worthy every time I see it!

Speaking of cringe-worthy, I'd like to think that we Quebecois may have even played a negligible part in disenfranchising Palin supporters - with the fine work of those 2 guys at CKOI who pranked her last week. Good timing on their part, I must say.

Is politics all about timing? Seems like everything is, anyways!

happy halloween!!

2008-11-01T02:46:00.002-04:00

Costume turned out well - lotsa ppl recognized who i was.

Party was fun, got to catch up with some old friends whom i hadn't seen in ages.

Left my wallet in the cab on the way to the party. what a supreme pain in the ass. I only had 25$ in there, but now I have to replace my bank and crdit cards, driver's license, university ID, medicare card... BLAHHHH... I've been on hold with Visa's lost card hotline for the last 30 mins. this really blows.

Had a good time anyway, but FUCK. this is such a me thing to do.

sigh of relief

2008-10-30T18:56:00.003-04:00

Week of hell at school is over with only moderate damage.

The new Cure album fucking rocks! I won't elaborate too much until I've given it another dozen or so listens.. :)

This track Scream is so great! The studio version kicks this version's ass as well.

Seriously, this is another one of those 'special tracks'. Within the opening bars I had experienced the gamut of pleasurable physical reactions to a song. ;) I love it!!! A definite touch of Forever/All I have to do is kill her/All Mine.

This has always been my favorite kind of Cure song, and that's why I love this new album so much. Screw the keyboards, give me more guitar!! haha. I put Scream up there with the likes of FTEOTDGS, The Kiss, in terms of massive buildup. This song is way to epic to clock in a 4 and a half mins!

he's off the grid, man

2008-10-28T10:47:00.001-04:00

so many weird dreams last night.

they're ripping up the street in front of my place...construction, how i loathe thee.

going to skip the second half of my sociolinguistics class tonight to make it to HMV before 9.

new cure album!!!! ahhhhh!!!! oh happy day!!!

...fuck, i'm tired.

4:13 Dream

2008-10-28T00:30:00.003-04:00

The new Cure album is out today! WOOOOOOO! ;)

I'm so inundated with school work that I probably won't even get a chance to to listen to it right away, I have to wait for that special moment. hehe. Its a shame that they released 4 singles and played 3 other songs live on the last tour. It means that there are only 6 tracks on the album that I haven't heard yet. But hey, an event of this magnitude only comes round every 4 years or so... I'll be sure to detail exactly how I feel about the album once I've given it a few proper listens.

Jess is going to cut my hair and give me bangs on thursday and I managed to snag a skirt and ladies business jacket at Village des Valeurs for 20$. My costume is coming together nicely... mouhahaha..

Bangers and Mash!

2008-10-25T19:38:00.003-04:00

that is all...

...also:

"Sarah Palin's carpet burning Legace on this night"!

HA!! This woman has to be barred from any and all puck dropping ceremonies for the sake of humanity.

with my poisoned arms around you

2008-10-21T23:44:00.007-04:00

it was five years ago today that Elliott Smith stabbed himself in the heart.

live from Olympia, WA

One of the most important songwriters of the 90's who never really got his due.

Heroin is such a scary drug. The only person that I ever knew who got hooked on it is dead (at 22 years old - such a tragedy). This review of Smith's show at North Eastern University is eerie:

Just Say Yes
By Jake Brown
May 3, 2002

Just Say Yes
Elliott Smith Live at the Riviera Theater
Thursday, April 2, 2002

"I love Elliott Smith, but man, he was a mess last night opening up for Wilco at an unannounced show in Chicago. It was really sad. He apparently slept funny on the plane and a couple of his fingers had fallen asleep and would not wake up. He told us this probably 75 times in the hour or so he was on stage. "Fuck! I keep concentrating on my fingers." He would start a song, play the first few bars, maybe sing one line or two, and then stop, apologize, and tell us he couldn't feel his fingers. "I keep concentrating on my fingers instead of the song, and I'm not going to play it if I'm not into the song." I think he played a total of three songs all the way through, no shit. He probably started 30. "Just let me try to think of a song I can play with only two fingers." If someone taped this, it's going to be one of those monumentally tragic recordings that show a great artist totally bottoming out.

I kept thinking how that must have been what it was like to see Bukowski do a reading, but without the meanness toward the audience. Just the messiness of someone who's fucked up.

I seriously hope he's okay and that he gets his shit together. But it would not surprise me at all if Elliott Smith ends up dead within a year."
----

So sad... he didn't even make it that long; he was dead 6 months later.

Still, I can't help but be reminded of that photospread from Vice magazine that Sharon had hanging in our bathroom and which still hangs there to this day:

10 Things to do With a Dead Rat

i don't need your moral majority

2008-10-19T23:54:00.006-04:00

John F. Kennedy

Address to the Greater Houston Ministerial Association

delivered 12 September 1960 at the Rice Hotel in Houston, TX

"...I believe in an America where the separation of church and state is absolute; where no Catholic prelate would tell the President -- should he be Catholic -- how to act, and no Protestant minister would tell his parishioners for whom to vote; where no church or church school is granted any public funds or political preference, and where no man is denied public office merely because his religion differs from the President who might appoint him, or the people who might elect him.

I believe in an America that is officially neither Catholic, Protestant nor Jewish; where no public official either requests or accept instructions on public policy from the Pope, the National Council of Churches or any other ecclesiastical source; where no religious body seeks to impose its will directly or indirectly upon the general populace or the public acts of its officials, and where religious liberty is so indivisible that an act against one church is treated as an act against all.

For while this year it may be a Catholic against whom the finger of suspicion is pointed, in other years it has been -- and may someday be again -- a Jew, or a Quaker, or a Unitarian, or a Baptist. It was Virginia's harassment of Baptist preachers, for example, that led to Jefferson's statute of religious freedom. Today, I may be the victim, but tomorrow it may be you -- until the whole fabric of our harmonious society is ripped apart at a time of great national peril.

Finally, I believe in an America where religious intolerance will someday end, where all men and all churches are treated as equals, where every man has the same right to attend or not to attend the church of his choice, where there is no Catholic vote, no anti-Catholic vote, no bloc voting of any kind, and where Catholics, Protestants, and Jews, at both the lay and the pastoral levels, will refrain from those attitudes of disdain and division which have so often marred their works in the past, and promote instead the American ideal of brotherhood.

That is the kind of America in which I believe. And it represents the kind of Presidency in which I believe, a great office that must be neither humbled by making it the instrument of any religious group nor tarnished by arbitrarily withholding it -- its occupancy from the members of any one religious group. I believe in a President whose views on religion are his own private affair, neither imposed upon him by the nation, nor imposed by the nation upon him as a condition to holding that office..."

untitled

2008-10-19T05:26:00.001-04:00

like a feeling that i'm down
deep inside my heart
like i'm looking out through
splitting blood red
windows in my heart
from a higher up than heaven
and a harder down than stone
shake the fear that always clawing
pulls me clawing down alone
as i spitting splitting blood red
breaking windows in my heart
and the past is taunting
fear of ghosts
is forcing me apart
and the further i get
from the things that i care about
the less i care about
how much further away i get...

Fear of Ghosts - the Cure

nights like these make me feel as though i'll never sleep again.

right back where we started

2008-10-15T01:00:00.003-04:00

Conservative minority - a few more seats for the Conservatives than last time.

I think that this could actually be good for the country; Dion's bound to get sacked as Liberal leader and we can only hope that he's replaced by someone who can actually communicate in both official languages. Someone like....

too bad he's such a douche. I loved his father, but there's no way that a majority of Quebec will ever vote for a Trudeau. It's a shame.

The Bloc dude won my riding, which is also a shame - but the cool thing is that Thomas Mulcair won a seat in Montreal, just edging his Liberal opponent in the Outremont riding. It's the first time in history that an NDP candidate wins a seat in Quebec in a feral election.

That little wedge of orange is one of the few bright spots of this election for me. Ah well, at least montreal is still a comforting majority of red among the sea of blue that is quebec.

and here's the bigger picture:

Yay Turkey Day!

2008-10-13T01:18:00.006-04:00

Thanksgiving is always nice. This was the first family dinner we've had at my mom and Paul's house since they moved to the country. I keep telling them that they're practically living in Ontario, but it was a really nice drive out there and getting to see all the yellow and red leaves was a bonus. I've decided to go up north for a hiking day trip before it gets too cold - just have to put some new tunes on my MP3 player and i'm set.

I had a few rye and gingers before dinner and during the turkey dinner wound up giving my mom a hard time because she said that "she liked" Sarah Palin. I couldn't believe it. I proceeded to launch a tirade outlining all the reasons why she is an evil lady. Despite that, a good time was had by all - well, maybe not the turkey.

You know that feeling that you get when you hear a really, really good song for the first time? It doesn't happen that often for me, but when it does I relish the moment completely. This song is something very special to me - it really showcases my favorite guitar and drumming styles fused together. I've come to expect nothing but quality from all the Factory Records bands, and I had heard the Durutti Column before from 24 Hr Party People but i was sure that it was just the guitarist Vinni Reilly. This song came outta nowhere and absolutely FLOORED me. Anyway, here is one of the greatest songs ever written, imo, that was recorded 27 years ago and which I discovered today, the 13th of October, 2008.

Anyone wanna guess what the drummer was on? I'd say LSD or Ecstasy! haha...

When they switch to four on the floor around the 6 mins mark...that just does indescribable things to my body. Yes, I'll admit it - I'm turned on by a 4/4 time signature. sooo goood.

Oh man, I know what I'm doing tomorrow - I'm tuning up the Les Paul and breaking out my digi delay pedal and I am gonna learn this song if it takes me all day. It's gonna be so, so sweet. Life is all about the simple pleasures.

"Ever Wonder what people are talking about across the room"?

2008-10-11T17:34:00.003-04:00

hahaha..wow.

I just saw this commercial on TV for a product called Listen In, its this little sound amplifier. Another perfect example of a useless commodity and waste of plastic, but the commercial is golden!! If you go to the address here the little infomercial will pop up. It provided me with any a chuckle.

moving on...

2008-10-10T23:32:00.002-04:00

My three-year relationship is over. Technically, it's been over for almost a year, but we've finally made things official. I should probably be sad, but i can't seem to feel anything at all. Actually, thats not true - i feel like a massive weight has been lifted from my shoulders. It's not as if I'm dying to put myself back on the market or anything, but it's a really liberating feeling knowing that should any opportunity present itself I don't have any reason hold back. I've been trying to put an end to this for months, but I'm a real pussy (please forgive the vulgarity :P) about these sorts of things.

Anyway, just got back from work - very pleased to have not found out the score of the hockey game, seeing as I recorded it. It's never fun watching a hockey game when you know what the outcome will be. So, time to settle back, crack open a bottle of Kronenburg and watch the first match of the Canadiens' centennial season.

I'm such a horrible person to be this happy about being broken up with! hahaha

oh well! :D

what a difference a few hours makes

2008-10-09T00:21:00.003-04:00

I just got this answer back from professor re. the Latin business:

Hi Lindsay,

The generalization is that [a:lis] becomes [a:ris] whenever the root has an [l]. So:

mort-a:lis
na:w-a:lis
milit-a:ris
so:l-aris

hahaha.. I can't believe I missed that! I totally psyched myself out. I'm convinced that it's because I slept through my first class and came very close to sleeping through my test as well. Thank goodness for that horrid dream i had between 11:00 and noon with the young boy sitting in the bathroom in some kind of trance. I tossed him this really big knife that looked suspiciously like one of my rogue's daggers and just when the blood splattered against the mirror I shut the door and woke up. I had 15 mins to get out the door and couldn't even shower.

I got a customer service job answering emails in a swanky loft in the Old Port. There's a pool table, xbox 360 w/ Guitar Hero and free tea and coffee. I can also listen to my mp3 player as i work. Too bad the salary's crap, but at least I get insurance after 3 months.

Yay.

The Impact are playing Joe Public tonight in Trinidad in the ConCAF Champion's League. 2-0 MTL so far! Better game than last week when they played in Honduras and a mouse ran through my living room!

Allez Allez Allez!

Bomb-ed!

2008-10-08T17:38:00.003-04:00

oh me, oh my.

I just completely bombed my first phonology test of the semester.

There was one question about Latin, having to determine the environment when the suffix for turning nouns into adjectives is "a:lis" and when it is "a:ris"

I just kept staring at 2 of the examples... 'Mort-a:Lis' and 'Milit-a:Ris'... what the fuck is different?? the roots both start with 'm' and end in 't'...everything i came up with was proven wrong by the other data.

BLAHHHHHH. I fail.

Shades of my semantics class last year (same teacher, funnily enough) where i ended up with a D+, my lowest grade ever.

I did get a chuckle out of this, mind you - Mccain refers to Americans as "my fellow prisoners" in a speech!!! hahaha.. definitively more accurate than "my friends", i must admit!

ahhhhh..... i fucking despair. things are not good right now with me. at least there's beer in the fridge.