The writing was on the wall 6 years ago

what happens when "a low-income home buyer can have just as nice a house as anybody else"?

Coming soon to an American street near you... soldiers!

want a good laugh?

http://www.redtractor-usa.com/Microsoft_McDonalds.htm

Microsoft Announces Merger With McDonald’s, Christianity In what is being hailed as the end of the free world, Microsoft, McDonald’s, and Christianity have joined forces to form a single $300 billion/1.9 billion adherent corporate-religious entity known as McRosoftianity. The resulting mega-church/corporation is projected to manage virtually every aspect of the global economy and culture in just a few short months. “We are absolutely thrilled because together we can control the world in ways that any one of us could have only dreamed of,” said Bill Gates, now high chairman-priest of McRosoftianity. “Our goal is to bring people together by making McRosoftianity the world’s sole provider of food, technology, and spirituality.” McRosoftianity’s flagship product, McBible XP, is already available for download, and will hit stores worldwide next Sunday after morning services. McBible XP is an all-encompassing product featuring enhanced virus protection, Word of God processing, and a large order of fries or hash browns. It will not be compatible with other religions, non-McRosoftianity foodstuffs, or computer programs engineered before the Fall of Man. The end-user license agreement for McBible XP requires all users to accept Christ as their personal Lord and Savior. Concerns that the mere concept of McRosoftianity would violate antitrust law were dismissed when the deal was quickly approved by the FTC and Vatican under threat of divine blackmail. The merger, which was formally completed last Monday, has now officially existed since the creation of the Universe according to McChurch doctrine. The details of the merger were hammered out in a series of overnight meetings between Bill Gates, Jesus, and Ronald McDonald. The meetings took place at Microsoft headquarters, the ninth sphere of Heaven, and Ronald McDonald’s private McDonaldland ranch. Mr. McDonald’s direct participation in these negotiations confirmed longstanding rumors that he was indeed the hamburger-happy mogul in charge of the fast-food giant. “Jesus and Bill are shrewd negotiators, but I am no fool,” said McDonald with slicked back hair in a red and yellow business suit. “Their willingness to employ strong-arm tactics and deception makes them the perfect allies.” Added McDonald, “I’m lovin’ it.” In accordance with the terms of the merger, McDonaldland has become the home to the Church of Latter-Day Hamburgers, a religious institution that has the sole purpose of converting Evangelical Christians and Jehovah’s Witnesses to McRosoftianity. There are already reports of pairs of bicyclists wearing Happy-Meal-shaped helmets going house to house, preaching the advantages of homogenized living by subjecting the residents to assembly-line style worship services via Holy-Visual Chat. “The new Trinity shall consist of Ronald McDonald, me, and Clippit, that little paperclip that used to pop up in Word documents to tell you that it looks like you’re writing a business letter,” preached Jesus to a group of unwilling converts. “You all used to laugh at Clippit, but now he is a divine aspect of your Almighty God.” In a bold strategy to stamp out heresy before it starts, McRosoftianity has offered to provide catering and techno-spiritual support to any group of people interested in making a genuine attempt at public protest, an offer which some anti-McRosoftianity groups view as disingenuous and belittling. Nevertheless, some organizations have taken them up on the offer. “With the help of McRosoftianity, our protest against globalization and the evils of McRosoftianity will be so much more effective!” said Ian Elwood, Corporate Wiki Project Manager at corpwatch.org. “Their convenient divine-thru messaging service gives us all the tools we need to organize a global protest against the very system that made it so easy for us all to connect to each other in the first place.” “The key to putting an end to any corporation is as simple as unilaterally refusing to endorse their products,” continued Elwood, moving his Micro-soft drink cup from his desktop to the recycle bin. “Really, it’s just a question of how determined you really are.” McRosoftianity is of the opinion that convincing their critics just how easy life would be under their forced mode of living is one of the fundamental steps to achieving global conquest, should they ever choose to formally pursue it. “We will manage every aspect of your lives using child-safe software-toys distributed in the Happy Meals and Glory Communions you require for sustenance,” said Gates. “After Jesus cleanses your soul of sin and spyware, the appropriate tithe will be collected by an online cashier-priest-bot at which point your order will become immediately available for download.” “To assure quality, your food will be compiled by only the fastest processors, and any misinterpretations of your order will be addressed by our patented Stained Glass Windows Updater as the Crucial-Fixes become available,” continued Gates. “Version 3:16 should be very stable, but if problems persist, simply offer a McPrayer to the Lord and MS Paint some RAM’s blood over your doorpost.” Though these services are touted proudly, many consumers find the most compelling reason to give their soul-dollars to McRosoftianity is the promise of Heaven, a product taken directly from Christianity’s original production line. Furthermore, Jesus has made it clear that those who do not use McBible XP will suffer greatly in this life, and eternally in the next. “I’m sold!” said a hapless and brainwashed consumer. “When the alternative is Hell teeming with malware daemons and boiling lakes of trans-fatty fryer oil, I’ll buy anything they tell me to! Thanks to McRosoftianity, I know that when the Blue Screen of Death comes for me I’ll be making my way through Heaven’s Golden Arches.” In order to fight McRosoftianity on its own terms, Apple, Google, and In-N-Out burger have tentatively agreed to put aside their differences and have started negotiations regarding a merger of their own. After several failed attempts at naming the new entity, ranging from “Apple-N-Google” to “Appoogle-N-Out,” the proposed merger has settled on the name “Coalition Of Doing No Evil.” When asked how the Coalition Of Doing No Evil planned to compete with McRosoftianity in the area of religion, Apple CEO Steve Jobs replied, “You obviously don’t know too much about In-N-Out.” Yahoo! co-founder Jerry Yang was not invited to any negotiations. He has not received a phone call in several weeks and was last seen crying in a bathroom stall at the New York Stock Exchange. McRosoftianity has announced that it does not view the proposed Coalition Of Doing No Evil, or any other corporation, religion, armed force, or government, as a significant threat to its mission. “We will embrace humanity, we will extend humanity, but if anyone tries to get in our way, we will extinguish humanity,” said Ronald McDonald, his trademark smile turned into a frightening scowl. “I wouldn’t cross us if I were you, because frankly, you don’t have a McShot in Hell.” By Michael Wakcher

living with letting go

After an epic 5 hour journey through my favorite 90's music videos on youtube (when i should be writing my sociolinguistics paper..hehe), I was compelled to reflect on a decade of music that is very near and dear to my heart. As much of a sucker for the 80's as I am, I really only started listening to music and going to shows compulsively in the 90's. These days, indie music satiates all my needs, but as a teenager I got to experience the explosion of grunge and 'alternative rock'. It's hard to put a finger right on it, and pinpoint exactly when it happened, but music has changed over the course of the last 8 years. Not to say for better or for worse, but just different. So, with that said, here I present to you a little bit of nostalgia; my five favorite albums of the 90's.

#5 - Perfect From Now On - Built to Spill



Best Tracks: I Would Hurt a Fly, Unstrustable pt 2, Carry the Zero

A highly, highly, influencial album whose echoes can be heard in so much of the indie rock coming out these days. The highlights of the album for me are all those surprise endings and changes of time signatures and keys. Obviously a big influence on Arcade Fire's Funeral, which is probably my favorite album of the 00's, so bonus points for that.

Best Lyric: "and God is whoever you're performing for.."


#4 - Aenima - Tool


Best Tracks: Stinkfist, 46&2, Jimmy

I must admit, it's awful tough to choose between this and Undertow. In the end though, Tool really take their music to another level on this album. With hints of the sprawling, progressive direction they would take on Lateralus, and the more straightforward aggression of their first two albums, Aenima really provides the best of both Tool worlds. The short interludes between the tracks gel the album and give it a real sense of flow (best showcased in the intermission / Jimmy transition). Bonus points for the cool holographic packaging and for naming a song Hooker With a Penis

Best lyric: "Cuz I'm praying for rain / And I'm praying for tidal waves / I wanna see the ground give way / I wanna watch it all go down"


#3 Sunny Day Real Estate - Diary


Best tracks: Seven, In Circles, 47

Some may say that this album pioneered the 'emo' sound; to which i reply: "Bullshit!". See, the difference between SDRE and today's emo and screamo bands can be summed up in one word: talent. Diary features some of the best drumming and vocals that i have ever heard, period. Not to mention one of the best opening tracks ever in Seven (we're talking The Cure opening track quality here! haha). Some people may find Jeremy's voice grating, but his delivery is what lends the vocals their appeal. Unfortunately for the band, they were never able to match the quality of this album on any of their subsequent releases. Well...Pillars was an awesome song...

Best lyric: "in the shadows i climbed mountains for chairs / don't look down"


#2 - The Pixies - Doolittle



Best Tracks: Gouge Away, Hey, Crackity Jones, Mr Grieves, Dead, Here Comes Your Man, you get the picture... ;)

This one was really tough - how could one possibly attempt to elevate the perfection that is Doolittle above, say, Bossanova or Trompe Le Monde? well, i've done just that. deal with it.
There's a reason that Kurt Cobain was heavily influenced by this album - it's just one dementedly perfect track after another. The Mr. Grieves/Crackity Jones combo has always been a favorite of mine. And it even managed to produce two of their biggest mainstream hits: Monkey Gone to Heaven and Here Comes Your Man.

Best Lyric: "must be a devil between us /or whores in my head / whores at my door /whores in my bed"


#1 - Garbage - Garbage




Best tracks: Supervixen, As Heaven is Wide, Vow, Fix me Now


this one was really just a personal choice for me. I have lots of memories bound up with the '95-'98 period, and Garbage was the soundtrack to that period. Shirley Manson was one of the first female rockstars who really gave me the urge to pick up a guitar a rock out. From the amazingly good opener Supervixen to the moody downtempo closer Milk, this album is just pure solid, through and through. I could listen to it on repeat forever without skipping a single track. Butch Vig did an incredible job producing it, and Shirley's vocals can sound both powerful and vulnerable at the same time. I'd imagine some people would scoff at the selection of this album as best of the 90's (what about Ok Computer?? screw Thom Yorke and his lazy eye, I've always said!) but its my list and i can do what i want! hahaha

Best Lyric: "A hit is hard to resist and I never miss / I can take you out with just a flick of my wrist"


(honnerable mentions: Elliot Smith - XO, Juliana Hatfield - Only Everything, The Tea Party - Transmission)

Keith Olbermann's Special Comment on the 7th anniversary of 9/11

Once again, my hat is off to Mr. Olbermann. I can only hope that those to whom his pointed indictments are directed will not silence one of the few voices of reason in the American mainstream media.

the ducks are after us

...and the seagulls too, apparently

We are all slowly rotting from the inside out

if you have an hour to spare, please follow the link to learn more about one of the evilest corporations out there (and they have lots of competition):

The World According to Monsanto

If she can do this to a town, what will she do to a country? I loathe to even speculate. Besides, who needs landscape or natural habitat when you can lovingly gaze unto the giant concrete behemoths?

http://www.salon.com/news/feature/2008/09/19/palin/index.html

Sarah Palin's dead lake

Sept. 19, 2008 | WASILLA, Alaska -- Every morning she's at home here, Sarah Palin wakes up to a postcard view from her lakeside home. Out the windows of her two-story wood-framed house stretch the serene, birch-lined waters of Lake Lucille. Ducks go gliding by the red-and-white Piper Cub floatplane docked outside. With the snow-frosted Chugach and Talkeetna mountains looming in the distance, the scene seems to define the Alaska that Palin celebrates: rugged, majestic, unspoiled.

And, yet, the lake Sarah Palin lives on is dead.

"Lake Lucille is basically a dead lake -- it can't support a fish population," said Michelle Church, a Mat-Su Valley borough assembly member and environmentalist. "It's a runway for floatplanes." Palin recently told the New Yorker magazine that Alaskans "have such a love, a respect for our environment, for our lands, for our wildlife, for our clean water and our clean air. We know what we've got up here and we want to protect that, so we're gonna make sure that our developments up here do not adversely affect that environment at all. I don't want development if there's going to be that threat to harming our environment."

But as mayor of her hometown, say many local critics, Palin showed no such stewardship.

"Sarah's legacy as mayor was big-box stores and runaway growth," said Patty Stoll, a retired Wasilla schoolteacher who once worked in the same school with Palin's parents, Chuck and Sally Heath. "The truth is, Wasilla is just plain ugly, it's not a pleasant place to live. It's not thought out. And that's a shame.

"Sarah fouled her own nest, and I can't understand why. I hate to think it was simply greed or ambition."

Among the environmental casualties of Wasilla's frenzied development was Palin's own front yard, Lake Lucille. The lake was listed as "impaired" in 1994 by the Alaska Department of Environmental Conservation, and it still carries that grim label. State environmental officials say that leaching sewer lines and fertilizer runoff caused an explosion of plant growth in the lake, which sucked the oxygen out of the water and led to periodic fish kills.

"Sarah," a recent biography of Palin by Kaylene Johnson, features a photo of a beaming Palin, sitting in a rowboat on Lake Lucille clutching a fishing rod. But, according to local fishermen, the Republican vice-presidential candidate would have to be very lucky to reel in something edible.

The Alaska Fish and Game Department dutifully stocks the lake with coho salmon and rainbow trout each year -- but the fish don't last long.

Fishing on the lake "was tough," reported Alaska fishing guide Carlyle Telford on his Web site when he tried his luck on Lake Lucille last year, "because the vegetation is decaying and floating. When you retrieve every cast, the fly comes back with crud on it."

In a recent phone conversation, Telford said he hasn't returned to Lake Lucille since then. "I think the lake's pretty dead," he said. "That's why I haven't been back."

Wasilla, where Palin grew up and still resides, sprawls between two lakes -- Lucille and Wasilla Lake. Cottonwood Creek, which flows in and out of Wasilla Lake, has also been labeled "impaired" by state environmental officials, after foam was detected on the water surface and subsequent testing found excessive concentrations of fecal coliform bacteria.

The two lakes are the town jewels, the only eye relief along a harrowing corridor of strip malls, big-box stores and fast-food drive-throughs that is Wasilla. "Lord, help me get through Wasilla," reads one Alaska bumper sticker.

The population in Mat-Su Valley began booming in the 1970s with the Alaska oil pipeline and the influx of oil workers from Texas and Oklahoma. But while some valley towns tried to control growth -- like nearby Palmer, which was originally settled by Midwest farmers as part of a Roosevelt social experiment in the 1930s -- Wasilla took a frontier, boom-town approach. Soon the Parks Highway, which cuts straight through Wasilla, and its arteries were lined with a chaotic bazaar of quickie espresso shacks, moose-stuffing taxidermists, Bible churches, gun stores, tattoo and piercing parlors, mattress barns and the inevitable box stores with their football-field parking lots.

John Stein, Palin's predecessor as Wasilla mayor, tried gamely to get a handle on the commercial free-for-all. He made an effort to restore the health of Lake Lucille, which, he said, "was turning into a bog."

"We brought up a scientist to study both lakes," Stein recalled. "We also worked with the state to filter storm drainage from the highway."

Controlling runoff from the six-lane highway is a key to saving the lakes in Wasilla. Other cities have their industrial pollution problems; Wasilla has highway pollution. "Anything that comes off an automobile -- oil, antifreeze, de-icing agents, heavy metals -- all of that can run off into the lakes when it rains," observed Archie Giddings, Wasilla's public works director.

But while Mayor Stein tried to impose some reason on Wasilla's helter-skelter development, and its growing pressures on Mat-Su Valley's environmental treasures, when Sarah Palin took his place, she quickly announced, "Wasilla is open for business."

"That's for sure," Church said. "Sarah was so eager for big-box stores to move in that she allowed Fred Meyer to build right on Wasilla Lake, and her handpicked successor, Dianne Keller, has done the same with Target."

Under Mayor Palin's reign, Fred Meyer, an emporium that sells everything from groceries to gold watches to gardening tools, lost no time in leveling a stand of trees overlooking the lake for its big-box store. When Fred Meyer applied for permission to pump the storm drainage from its parking lot -- with all the usual automobile sludge -- into the lake, outraged citizens finally cried enough.

"We mobilized public opposition," said Church, who led the Friends of Mat-Su, a pro-planning group, at the time. "We forced them to put in ditches and grassy swales to catch the runoff.

"Sarah was such a great cheerleader for Wasilla, but she did nothing to protect its beauty. She'd go to these Chamber of Commerce meetings and say, 'Wasilla is the most beautiful place in the world!' And we'd just sit there gagging."

A city official in nearby Palmer, who has lived in the Mat-Su Valley his whole life, sadly admitted: "Sarah sent the growth into overdrive. And now they're choking on traffic and sprawl, all built on their ignorance and greed.

"I try to avoid driving to Wasilla so I won't get depressed," added the official, who asked for his name to be withheld, to avoid Palin's "wrath."

"You get visually mugged when you drive through there. I take the long way, through the back roads, just to avoid it."

Wasilla City Council member Dianne Woodruff hears the same lament about her town all the time. "Everywhere in Alaska, you hear people say, 'We don't want to be another Wasilla.' We're not just the state's meth capital, we're the ugly box-store capital. Was Sarah a good steward of this beautiful valley? No. I think it comes from her lack of experience and awareness of other places, how other cities try to preserve what makes them attractive and livable.

"The frontier mentality has prevailed for so long in Mat-Su Valley -- the feeling that 'you're not going to tell me what to do with my land,'" added Woodruff. "That's fine as long as you have endless open space. But when you start to fill in as a city, you can end up with a sprawling mess. With million-dollar homes next to gravel pits -- and dead lakes."

In recent years, after Palin's departure from City Hall, Wasilla has been "changing and learning," according to Woodruff. The city has taken steps to control toxic runoff into its two lakes.

But Wasilla still doesn't test the lakes' water quality -- that's left up to volunteer groups, which periodically take samples from the lakes, according to city officials.

Why is there no official effort to test the local waters?

"That's a good question," said Wasilla public works chief Giddings, after a long, thoughtful pause. "I guess we're still ahead of the curve. We haven't seen huge concerns about the lakes yet."

Giddings acknowledged that there has been some public concern about swimming in the lakes, but not enough to prompt the city to monitor the water quality. If the public did start complaining about skin rashes, diarrhea and other health problems, "the state would probably step in," he added.

Would Giddings let his own children swim in Wasilla's lakes? "Yes," he said.

But Laura Eldred, an environmental program specialist with the Alaska Department of Environmental Conservation, offered a more qualified response. She would swim in the local lakes, but would "take the usual hygiene precautions," without specifying what those measures were.

"Sarah did nothing to protect our lakes; in fact, she obstructed efforts to improve our water quality," said city watchdog Anne Kilkenny. The property surrounding Wasilla's two lakes is privately owned, complicating the city's efforts to protect these natural treasures. While her predecessor, Mayor Stein, moved to incorporate the homes surrounding the two lakes -- like the Palin family residence -- so the city could control runoff from the dwellings, Palin campaigned for "no more annexation."

"Sarah hasn't traveled outside of Alaska much," said Kilkenny. "She hasn't seen dead lakes and rivers."

Now Palin can see one right out her window.

and God is whoever you're performing for

So the film adaptation of Chuck Palahniuk's novel Choke is coming out, looks better than I thought it would be, though Victor Mancini looked nothing like that in my head. Diane from Trainspotting appears to be playing Dr Paige Marshall, which can;t be anything but good, though her fake American accent sounds all kinds of wrong. It'd be nice if she could just speak with her Scottish accent, then again, I could listen to a Scottish person read the telephone book and be completely enthralled. It'll be fun to see just how faithful to the novel some of the film's sex scenes will be, as i remember some fairly explicit stuff which may or may not involve anal beads- guess we'll have to wait and see.

According to my chinese Zodiac year, my ideal professions are:

Dogs ideal jobs: politician, scientist, actor/actress, teacher, writer, movie director, secret agent, pub landlord/landlady.

Currently reading Crime by Irvine Welsh; it centers around Ray Lennox from Filth, which by chance i happened to re-read for the third time over the summer (wailed like a baby at the end for the third time too!). So far so good - its the first time Welsh immerses his characters in America as opposed to Edinborough. His descriptions of Miami so far are completely bang on!

It took me 4 hours to fall asleep last night - though i managed to get a few hours in before getting called in to work. Not that i'm complaining - they're shutting the Montreal PDC down Nov. 30th,. But more on that when i'm less tired. and angry.

i used to have a website

i spent the better part of the last hour searching the dark recesses of my mind in a vain attempt to remember the URL for my first website, circa 2002. i had hoped to find it through archive.org, but alas, i can't remember the address for the life of me. then again, my ego is probably better served by not finding it.

starting a blog in late 2008 - i suppose i missed the boat on this front. i need a camera. i need a job. i need a lot of things. stay tuned for more?

Pop Montreal approaches a grands pas, too many shows, too little time and money. Same story every beginning of October - i'm used to it now. Running concurrently with pop Montreal is the wierd punk fest at le divan orange. Got my ticket for the Sat Oct 4th show, cause Neptune is playing. They seem like a fun live act, and they make their own guitars and pedals. Sounds good to me.



The headliner for the show wasn't announced when i bought my ticket, but it turns out it's Aids Wolf. I have a feeling they may be too noisy for me, though, they can't be as bad as White Swan, who i believe caused my ears to bleed and may have left some form of brain damage.